The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

3 April 2006

I bought what?

From Verging on Pertinence by way of the Fire Ant Gazette, a chance for delicious self-immolation:

Top Five Truly Important Teenaged Years Songs that I now view as Truly Idiotic, or ... the What Was I Thinking Song List.

I tend to think of my teenaged years as ending in 1969, but I actually turned twenty in 1973, so I figure I can allow for stuff up through 1972 in the compilation of this list.

In order of release:

  • Simon and Garfunkel, "Mrs. Robinson" (1968)
    This was so irresistibly catchy that I didn't notice it was getting played seemingly every freaking hour on the radio, and of course I would have been delighted to have been seduced by one particular neighborhood Older Woman, had I had any idea what that might have entailed; now it just makes me lunge for the tuning knob. Not even the return of Joltin' Joe can change the way I feel.

  • Carpenters, "(They Long to Be) Close to You" (1970)
    Karen Carpenter sang this so beautifully, and the arrangement was so subtle, that it took me years to realize how annoying the song's extended similes truly were.

  • Bread, "Make It with You" (1970)
    This was a year when even the slightest attention from a girl drew a lost-puppy look from me, and I was laboring under the delusion that this sort of greeting-card sexuality might actually work. Wrong.

  • Don McLean, "American Pie" (1971)
    Another case of horrid overexposure: I swear that they play this on the radio more now than they do when it was new. And by now, due to overanalysis, this song has no secrets to give up anymore; it's an instant button-push before "Long, long time ago" is over.

  • Chuck Berry, "My Ding-A-Ling" (1972)
    I justified this because (1) it was Chuck Berry, fercrissake and (2) it spoke at my own level of barely-post-adolescent smuttiness. Eventually I grew up.

Deep, dark secrets: I bought all five of these, and they all made #1 in Billboard.

Posted at 6:18 AM to Screaming Memes , Tongue and Groove


"Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near?"
1) You are Tippi Hedren
2) You smell like worms

Posted by: Dwayne "the canoe guy" at 12:52 PM on 3 April 2006

What? No surfer songs? Surely you'd no longer ask Rhonda for help to get that fine 409 deuce coupe to the old lady in Pasadena.

Posted by: Mike at 11:29 PM on 3 April 2006

"Don McLean, "American Pie" (1971)
Another case of horrid overexposure... And by now, due to overanalysis, this song has no secrets to give up anymore..."

Hey! Didja know that "the day the music died" was all about Buddy Holly and those other two guys dying in that plane crash? And the whole song is like this this really deep, poetic, history of rock and roll??? And how like everything sucked and went downhill after Buddy Holly and those two other guys were killed in a plane crash? Didja? Didja?"

Lock, load, and fire...

Posted by: Andrea Harris at 11:34 PM on 3 April 2006

That's worthy of an ankle bracelet. :)

Posted by: CGHill at 6:24 AM on 4 April 2006