The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

26 April 2006

First, Inspector Gadget

At least we'll be able to measure the slippery slope as we slide:

[G]ay marriage and polygamy are only the beginning, because the dark road that begins with equal rights leads inexorably to the next terrifying step: legalized, state-sponsored robot sex!

Since the dawn of time marriage has been defined as a union between one man and one woman who are not also complex electronic devices — and once you abandon one part of this ancient formula you abandon it all! Oh sure, today you may think it's harmless for gays and lesbians to get married, but take away the precious protection of state-sponsored homophobia and tomorrow you'll have men marrying machines, unhinged threeways between two lesbians and a minidisc player, crowds of deranged mechanophiliacs humping household appliances in an orgy of animatronic man-on-android action! And the children! Within a decade America will be raising a morally deformed generation of depraved mutant human-toaster hybrids brainwashed to bang half-robot potato-peeler people by our cyborg-sympathist media elites! And not only will this destroy the sanctity of marriage, it will destroy Western civilization itself, as our superintelligent sex computers rise up against their human masters to make bottoms of us all!

I can say only that I don't know any lesbians who own MiniDisc players.

(By way of Joanna at Fey Accompli.)

Posted at 6:21 AM to Dyssynergy


Fafblogger doesn't get out much. Or at least he/she/it hasn't heard the stories from ER nurses about men needing to be xtracted from their vacuum cleaners.

That must really suck.

Posted by: McGehee at 8:42 AM on 26 April 2006

personally I'm still waiting for that Cherry2000 model to come out (which B movie WAS that from :) ? )

Posted by: ron at 9:25 AM on 26 April 2006

Is that an Electrolux hose in your pocket or are you happy to see me?

I'm not EVEN gonna mention anything about a Rainbo vaccum cleaner.

Posted by: Dwayne "the canoe guy" at 9:46 AM on 26 April 2006