16 May 2006
Snap to it
Having once watched in horrified fascination, or maybe fascinated horror, while a petting-zoo goat ate a diaper bag don't even ask I can't say I'm surprised by this:
[T]he alligators have been doing their part to keep Florida's reputation as the State in America Most Likely to Become the Location For Cthulhu's Eldritch and Tenebrously Horrible Summer Palace intact. Of course, it helps that a fresh crop of stupid people has moved down here. Any Florida native can tell you there are a number of reasons we don't jog alongside canals in the evening, every once in a while relaxing on the banks with our legs dangling over the water while chatting on our cell phones, and large reptilian creatures with a taste for raw meat is only one of them. For myself, though I am usually on the side of humanity against evil Ma Nature, I feel rather sorry for the alligators. They were just doing what they do. What would you do if a tasty cheesecake or filet mignon just walked right up to you and practically said "eat me"?
Well, you can always try reasoning with them:
The record-breaking spike in fatal alligator attacks in Florida is hitting women and minorities the hardest, the very people who can least afford fatal alligator attacks. The Gleeson Bloglomerate is strongly opposed to fatal alligator attacks, and calls upon the leaders of the Amphibian-American community to put an end to the cycle of violence.
Of course, to make this stance work, you have to figure out some way to blame Bush.Posted at 7:18 AM to Dyssynergy