The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

18 May 2006

Maybe you can get there from here

I have some grave doubts about this contraption, but if it ever gets built, I am there, Jack:

  1. A full body teleportation system consisting of: generating a pulsed gravitational wave which propagates through a magnetic vortex wormhole generator; and generating a wormhole with the magnetic vortex generator whereby the pulsed gravitational wave traverses through the wormhole and enters into hyperspace where the wave is enormously magnified due to the lower speed of light in that dimension.

  2. The method of claim 1, wherein the step of generating the pulsed gravitational wave comprises: using two granite stone obelisks; mounting monochromatic-wave toroidal waveguides on top of each obelisk to create a rotating, twisting, propagating gravitational wave through the vertical axis of each obelisk; and creating a cylindrical compression and expansion in each obelisk to produce a plane gravitational wave traveling down the centerline between the two obelisks.

  3. The method of claim 1, wherein the step of generating a wormhole into hyperspace comprises: using two concentric cylindrical solenoidal coils of different radii connected by a single wire wrapped in opposite directions on thin iron transformer laminate; generating bucking electric fields down the centerline of the vortex generator which creates a spacetime curvature distortion with negative energy in accordance with Einstein's General Theory of Relativity.

  4. A teleportation system comprising: generating a gravitational wave traveling through hyperspace which interacts with the human energy being; and pulling the human energy being and physical body out of dimension when interacting with the pulsed gravitational wave such that the person is teleported from one location to another through hyperspace and back again into our 4D spacetime dimension.

Jargon aside, a Trekker (n. a Trekkie who objects to the term "Trekkie") will tell you up front that the first transporter really doesn't matter.

Now the second transporter, that's the important one.

(Beamed up from Tim Blair.)

Posted at 6:09 AM to Bogus History

Get that gizmo working, and Western Union just might make a comeback. Stop.

Posted by: McGehee at 6:32 AM on 18 May 2006

Be our luck the thing will run on super unleaded.

Posted by: Joe at 10:42 PM on 18 May 2006