The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

1 June 2006

Gutfeld rumbles

An actual interview with Greg Gutfeld, and it's chock full of snarky goodness:

[B]estiality's a tough call, mainly because of PETA.

What would be their stance? Is it rape? Or is it reward? How can you tell if the animal really wanted it? If animals are equal to humans, as PETA believes, then animals should have power of consent. But if we say it's a crime, then we are saying that animals are incapable of making their minds up about their sex lives, which strikes me as out and out bigotry. Another thing about PETA: They never protest when ugly animals are killed. Vultures are an endangered species, because there's not enough roadkill anymore to keep them alive. PETA has been strangely silent on this issue. Why? Is it because you can't cuddle a vulture? Probably.

For all I know, Ingrid Newkirk could keep a shrike in her shorts.

On celebrities, in and out of the HuffPost:

There are many pleasant, down to earth stars, but in general, it's good to steer clear. There was a study that just came out on the top 10 desires of children. Number one: to be famous. Others on the list: to get free stuff like ice cream and presents, pets that would live forever, no war. This is exactly the same list you'd get from a Hollywood celebrity.

Stars are exactly like children, in that they play all day and never buy stuff like light bulbs. And that makes them susceptible to destructive stuff like new age religions and Michael Moore movies. It's why stars give their kids such funny names. Those are EXACTLY the names you'd give your kid, if you were, say, a kid! Naming a kid, to them, is like naming a turtle. A box turtle.

On America's place in the world:

Brits go on about our bigness. Brits say we have big food, big asses, big teeth. All true. The obsession about being small makes most European countries feel small and hate us for our hugeness. It's the whole point behind the EU. It has absolutely nothing to do with what America does. It's what America is. That's why it's completely pointless to apologize for anything America does. People hate apologists.

Life is, alas, not all sweetness and light:

[In the UK], people are accustomed to seeing naked chicks in the dailies. But you won't see Maureen Dowd's yams in The New York Times. Sadly.

[insert "Times Select" joke here]

(Snarfed from Al Maviva.)

Posted at 10:49 AM to Entirely Too Cool

Funny. Not once, before now, has the thought of Ingrid Newkirk's shorts crossed my mind. I'd suggest that I was in the majority.

But not now. Sheesh!

Posted by: mike at 6:10 PM on 1 June 2006

If MoDo's gams are yam-like, I suddenly have reason to be grateful to NYT.

Or would, if I ever read it.

Posted by: McGehee at 1:25 PM on 3 June 2006

Or does "yam" refer to some other portion of the female anatomy? Why can't Brits speak frickin' English!?

Posted by: McGehee at 1:26 PM on 3 June 2006