The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

24 June 2006

Politics is hell

Rep. Chris Cannon (R-UT) has drawn a primary opponent this year: John Jacob. It goes without saying that Cannon's incumbency is working against Jacob. But there's a far more insidious foe besides:

"There's another force that wants to keep us from going to Washington, D.C.," Jacob said. "It's the devil is what it is. I don't want you to print that, but it feels like that's what it is."

Jacob said Thursday that since he decided to run for Congress against Rep. Chris Cannon, Satan has bollixed his business deals, preventing him from putting as much money into the race as he had hoped.

Numerous business deals he had lined up have been delayed, freezing money he had counted on to finance his race.

"You know, you plan, you organize, you put your budget together and when you have 10 things fall through, not just one, there's some other, something else that is happening," Jacob said.

Asked if he actually believed that "something else" was indeed Satan, Jacob said: "I don't know who else it would be if it wasn't him. Now when that gets out in the paper, I'm going to be one of the screw-loose people."

Cue Archie Bell and the Drells: "Tighten Up."

Satan was unavailable for comment, though rumor has it the Prince of Darkness has been in a summit meeting with Karl Rove.

(Via Independent Christian Voice.)

Posted at 11:15 AM to Political Science Fiction


He just needs to tell everybody the rest of his name. Then they'll shout, should he go out.

Posted by: Scott Chaffin at 9:39 PM on 24 June 2006

It may be a little arrogant of the guy to assume that Satan has such great interest in his plans. This guy is so insignificant, he doesn't even rate a sub-sub-demon. They're the ones who make sure the telemarketers never lose your number, or that you spill soup on your tie before an important meeting.

Actually, though, it's odd that some Christians assume that if a thing goes poorly, Satan must be responsible. How does he know God wants him to run? Does he just jump to the conclusion that he's such a great Christian that all plans he comes up with must be from God's mouth to his ear? They denigrate God's sovreignty as well.

It's the same attitude that says, well, I've prayed over this, so therefore my understanding of this passage of Scripture must be right. Well, so did the other guy.

Then again, I'm a Catholic and will never understand the mind of the fundmentalist. Billy Graham can go meet the Pope and they treat other like the brothers they are...then some Fundy Preacher gets on the radio and calls Graham a tool of Satan. I just don't get it. Why are some people so eager to put others outside the camp? I always find it interesting that when a Protestant becomes a Catholic, we don't baptize then again, but not so the other direction. We treat them as brothers in Christ. We don't look for reasons ro exclude people. God will exclude, ultimately, anyone deserving such a fate.

We all have to be careful where we assume ideas come from. Sorry about the rant, just on my mind today.

Posted by: John Salmon at 2:53 PM on 25 June 2006

Satan was unavailable for comment

Aw nuts, what a time for my cell phone to give out.

Anyway, I want to apologize to Mr. Jacob. My wrath was supposed to be aimed at some guy named Jingleheimer Schmitt. I don't know what happened, I got my wires crossed up somewhere. Won't happen again.

Posted by: Satan at 2:56 PM on 25 June 2006