Welcome to Heck

(Because, you know, "Welcome to Hell" ought to be reserved for more serious matters.)

The story begins at 5:30 pm yesterday, when the garage-door opener didn't.

5:31: Enter house through front door. Inside temperature: 80. Outside temperature: 104.

5:32: Note that security system is running on battery backup.

5:33: Struggle with OG&E's automated outage-reporting system. (It's actually not that difficult, but unless you happen to know your account number, they trace you by your phone number, and they've kept track of every phone number of every accountholder they've had since Alexander Graham Bell, so by the time they get to you, you'll punch buttons at random just to shut them up.)

5:40: Go outside, commiserate with neighbors.

5:50: Run up to west side of Edmond for errand of dubious importance.

6:20: Return home, no improvement. Inside temperature: 81.

6:22: Commiserate with different group of neighbors.

6:35: Drive to Arby's for dinner, since obviously I'm not cooking.

7:10: Return home, no improvement. Inside temperature: 83.

7:20: Boot up notebook, attempt to update Web site through dial-up I retain for just such an occasion. Not reachable.

7:30: Discover that Web host is having major issues.

8:00: Attempt to read. Complete The Week, start US News and World Report.

8:20: Available light insufficient to read. Inside temperature: 84. Outside temperature: 101.

8:30: Call nearest hotel. No rooms.

8:32: Call next-nearest hotel. No rooms.

8:34: Call third-nearest hotel. No rooms. "But we have the third-floor suite open, at a higher price." Visa is proffered and suite is reserved.

8:36: Pack.

8:46: Check into hotel. Boot up laptop. Site still unavailable.

6:30: Check out of hotel, drive home. Garage door actually opens. Power restored apparently about 4:30 am.

6:45: Leave for work.

I do hope I don't have to repeat this any time soon — say, within the next 100 years.

Posted at 7:30 AM to General Disinterest