The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

10 August 2006

Lock mess

A couple in the next cubicle warren have acquired a 2006 Toyota Avalon in bank-vault grey, and she was mumbling something this morning about the keyless start routine: apparently you have to wiggle your body in the general direction of the sensor, that it may detect the presence of the fob somewhere on your person. Finally, pushing a button brings the mighty V6 to life.

I know something about this — Gwendolyn has a remote starter and an acceptably-mighty V6 — but I'm enough of a traditionalist to prefer actual keys. Maybe it's a guy thing, as Lileks might say:

I remember looking at my dad's key ring, and marveling at the locks to which he had access. Men had keys. There was a limit; men with thirty keys seemed like living versions of Marley's ghost, shackled to duty. But guys like having enough keys. There's a reason they don't remove the powerboat key at the end of the season. You're not defined by your locks, but by the locks you can open.

Women, at least according to stereotype, can't even find their keys. This is, of course, the stuff of comedy, and therefore subject to revision; I expect to hear some day on the news that the presence of all these metal devices hard against a man's thigh causes some sort of contusion which all by itself accounts for the seven-year difference in life expectancy. We would live longer, we guys, if we got proper bags.

But maybe aesthetics outweigh longevity; certainly nobody wants to witness the spectacle of me, having to wiggle my body in the general direction of a sensor, that it may detect the presence of a fob somewhere on my person.

Posted at 7:45 AM to Almost Yogurt


TrackBack: 4:39 PM, 10 August 2006
» What’s This Say About Detachable Key Rings? from Electric Venom
Ah-ha! Evidently, the size that really matters about a man is… his key ring. Who knew? ......[read more]

This reminds me of the ID badge dance I see at work. Wave the badge in front of the little plate thingie, and the door opens. Said plate thingie is at 'ahem' height.

Unfortunately this means that a strange subsection of male employees do this little half-turn butt bump against the plate (id card being in the wallet) to open the door.

Sadly, some of the same group of people keep their wallet in their front pockets, resulting in an indescribable scene.

Take yer wallet out of your pocket and clap it against the plate. Be a man.

Butt bump indeed :-/

Posted by: Mad William Flint at 5:01 PM on 10 August 2006

Inasmuch as I have to lock the office door to leave, I've already gotten keys in hand; it's no trick to point the fob in the general direction of the car. So long as I don't get clumsy and hit the Panic button, I'm fine.

Posted by: CGHill at 5:21 PM on 10 August 2006

I can always find my keys. That's because I don't toss them down just anywhere, the way some other people -- both women and men -- seem to do.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at 6:32 PM on 10 August 2006

Oh boy, get a manpurse and live longer......

It's kinda embarrasing to root around in your pocket trying to extract the keys and set off the panic alarm. Don't ask me how I know this.

Posted by: Jeffro at 10:59 PM on 10 August 2006

Except for those to my truck, I keep all my keys on one big agglomeration -- and when I need the non-truck keys, I feel around for the Leatherman Micro® tool that occupies one of the attached mini-rings.

For the truck keys, what I seek is the little square plastic "Alaska" fob that's attached to them.

Of course, I have no keyless-entry remote to be concerned about, so the panic button is not an issue. I don't even keep my garage remote on my key ring as it's designed to be -- I'm at my front-pocket comfort limit as it is.

Posted by: McGehee at 9:43 AM on 11 August 2006