The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

16 August 2006

Cracking down on Induhviduals

"Against stupidity," wrote Schiller, "the gods themselves contend in vain." Governments, seeing themselves as the moral equivalent of, if not actually superior to, gods, are missing an opportunity here; why, there are at least 16 steps that could be taken now. A sampling:

"8 Items or Less" line violators will have their number of fingers reduced to 8, for obvious reasons. The government is here to help.

"You Must Have an IQ Greater Than 7 x 24 - 60 to Enter Through This Gate" signage will appear at all public queues, especially at amusement facilities, cinemas and airports. Failure to answer the mathematical equation correctly (and minor variations thereof) within 20 seconds will result in guards immediately repositioning the stupid at the end of the line. Sans kneecaps. Because we just know that there’ll be a dispute about admission fees, payment methods and whether you really do have a "constitutional right" to bring your own, open beer can into the facility.

Woe betide he who inserts parentheses around (24 - 60) and presents himself with an IQ of -252. (Alternatively, he could be appointed to a government job; obviously the qualifications are in place.)

"Induhviduals," you'll remember, is a coinage by Scott Adams, though he originally applied it to people who didn't receive the Dilbert newsletter. It has proven to have far greater application than he imagined.

Posted at 5:07 PM to Dyssynergy

Ah, but those with I.Q.s in the acceptable range already know that, given the absence of parentheses, the multiplication must be calculated prior to the subtraction, thus proving your point. And thank-you for italicizing "sans". These things matter more than they should, but matter nonetheless.

Posted by: bstewart23 at 5:20 PM on 16 August 2006

I guess they do credit cards differently in Canada. Here in the states (or at least, where I live), at most places they whip the debit or credit card right through. On the other hand, since most of the cashiers at such places at Starbucks are members of that horde of glittering intelligent beings known as "college students," they often have trouble making change, even though the cash register helpfully tells them how much to count out. And they've often been too busy splitting atoms with their minds to remember to get another roll of quarters whenever they ran out.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at 9:41 PM on 16 August 2006

And they've often been too busy splitting atoms with their minds to remember to get another roll of quarters whenever they ran out.

Hm. Maybe that's what happened when several of a different kind of roll ran out at a restaurant last night.

Posted by: McGehee at 10:53 PM on 16 August 2006

Really, that calculation and its application should be patented or something. Think of the usefulness! On a global scale!

Posted by: Jennifer at 6:58 PM on 17 August 2006