Cheese-heating render monkeys

People are allegedly being liquefied in Peru:

Three suspects have confessed to killing five people for their fat, said Col. Jorge Mejía, chief of Peru’s anti-kidnapping police. He said the suspects, two of whom were arrested carrying bottles of liquid fat, told the police it was worth $60,000 a gallon.

Colonel Mejía said the suspects had told the police that the fat had been sold to intermediaries in Lima, the capital. While police officials suspect that the fat was sold to cosmetic companies in Europe, he said he could not confirm any sales.

Which gives Joan an idea:

I see a whole industry utopia here. We have too much fat, and we pay dearly to rid ourselves of it while there in Peru they’re killing people in the most gruesome way for a few gallons. Hello? It’s silly and makes no sense, especially when folks would line up to sell their liposuctioned ass-fat on a free market to offset the expense. Might even solve the trade deficit if we can get China to manufacture these cosmetics and sell them our fat. Then they could sell the cosmetics to Wal-Mart. It’s recycling at an optimal incentive. It would work.

This being spring, beware the Ides of April: I must caution you that any income you receive from selling any precious bodily fluids, even those that weren’t actually fluid at the time you signed the release — you did sign a release, didn’t you? — is taxable.

It occurs to me that I probably should set up a category for “Posts I Wouldn’t Have Made Except For The Stirring Title Potential.”





8 comments

  1. fillyjonk »

    10 March 2010 · 10:51 am

    As someone who actually wears cosmetics (well, not European), the allegations made in that first story are pretty horrifying. Almost enough to get me to give up make-up.

  2. HeatherRadish »

    10 March 2010 · 10:51 am

    That was a Simpsons episode, wasn’t it?

  3. fillyjonk »

    10 March 2010 · 10:52 am

    I wonder, does the “cruelty-free” label that some companies apply to cosmetics include “…to humans” under its aegis?

  4. CGHill »

    10 March 2010 · 11:12 am

    That was a Simpsons episode, wasn’t it?

    By now, everything is a Simpsons episode, or will be shortly.

  5. fillyjonk »

    10 March 2010 · 11:58 am

    Can I just say that it scares me a little that I have students who have never been alive during a time The Simpsons was not on the air?

  6. Joan of Argghh! »

    10 March 2010 · 5:57 pm

    Fillyjonk, that is indeed scary!

    Thanks for the linky luv, dustb!

  7. unimpressed »

    10 March 2010 · 9:36 pm

    fillyjonk, you could say the same thing concerning the CD and Big Mac and MTV and the PC. I was, chronologically anyway, an adult when all of these came about.

  8. hatless in hattiesburg »

    11 March 2010 · 12:20 am

    “The first rule of Fat Club is, you do not talk about Fat Club”

    ;)

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