They don’t make them like they used to

Some of these modern-day vacuum cleaners really suck, and not in a good way either:

If you felt the earth rumble a little bit, that was me voicing my displeasure at the Universe. Not now, not now, NOT NOW! And then I shook my fist at the sky. Real hard. Yeah, I should have figured it was coming, you know, since the plastic attachment braces had begun falling off. Not breaking, really, just … disintegrating and falling off. The Hoover, cleverly, had a lifespan that outlived its warranty by six months to the very day. But compared to not having a vacuum at all, the Hoover was pretty dreamy, even if you did have to empty the canister two or three times per floor just to maintain suction.

To hear Consumer Reports tell it, the closest thing to an indestructible vacuum is the Kirby, but it costs as much as a Caribbean cruise, and not one with an inside stateroom either.

Then again, my own Hoover, which admittedly doesn’t get much of a workout these days, is still functional after thirty-three years. I have no idea when the warranty ran out.


  1. Kevin McGehee »

    11 October 2010 · 9:20 pm

    the Kirby, but it costs as much as a Caribbean cruise

    And you have to let some poor sap who couldn’t land a real job dump dirt all over your carpet before he’ll let you buy one.

    (Disclaimer: I never actually managed to schedule a sales call when I was allegedly a Kirby rep.)

  2. Joe »

    12 October 2010 · 11:22 am

    My mother had a Kirby beast when I was growing up. The attachments alone filled a coffin size box that occupied the entire floor space under her bed. I’d almost bet it still works today.

    I on the other hand grabbed a Dyson off of Woot here while back. Although more plastic than anything I’ve yet to be disappointed with it. Although the clear canister sure gives one pause to reflect what is being inhaled on a daily basis. I love my Dyson.

  3. Brian J. »

    12 October 2010 · 7:34 pm

    The Andromeda Strain? Totally a documentary, except instead of a government program, it was in the Eureka R&D center.

    And whoever thought up bagless vacuums: genius! Instead of replacing a $2 bag every 4 or 5 vacuums, make consumers replace a $35 filter every 20 or 25 vacuums.

  4. CGHill »

    12 October 2010 · 7:39 pm

    Not to mention the joy of dumping all that stuff that ordinarily would have landed in the bag.

    I have this little B&D hand vac, and it fills up rather quickly. I’ve only changed the filter once, though. (It’s about $11.)

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