“While I wouldn’t want to rebuild the Berlin Wall or restaff the KGB,” Joe Carter says, “there are a few things I miss about the Cold War era:”
The Commies were atheists: It’s always good to have an enemy that doesn’t believe in the afterlife. Even when the Ruskies had more nukes than loaves of Wonder Bread, you knew they were never going to use them. One push on the red button and it was “Game Over.” This new breed of enemy is different. If Islamic Jihadists get their hands on The Bomb you know it’s time to call your broker and load up on Black-eyed Virgin options.
The loss of a good put-down: Remember when the perfect dis was to call someone a pinko? “You don’t eat meat? What, are you communist?” For some reason, “You don’t eat at McDonald’s? Are you some kind of anti-globalist?” just doesn’t have the same bite.
You knew what Marxists believed: While Marxism had more flavors than Baskin-Robbins, they all traced their lineage to Big Daddy Karl. Now with Queer Theory, Chicano studies, Post-Colonial studies, structuralism, deconstruction, you have no clue where your college English teacher got their wacky ideas.
Ah, a simpler time. And there’s this:
Our allies were still friendly: My friend Matt Powell said it best: “You know what I really miss about the Cold War? Europe knowing their place.”
There’s still time, though, for rapprochement, especially if John Kerry wants a shot at being President of France.