Not to be confused with Rainbow Dash

After a 5k run, I am told, you tend to look a little bedraggled. (I’ve never run more than a single mile, myself, but I looked bedraggled before I started.)

Enter Color Me Rad, a perfectly serious 5k race, except for the, um, colors:

After 5K of color bombardment, we guarantee your outlook will be brighter, your boyfriend will be more affectionate, your girlfriend will be less needy, the hair on your head will grow back and the hair on your back will fall out, your black and white TV will turn into 720p HD (I know you were hoping for 1080, but we organize races, we’re not miracle workers), and your gray outlook will turn green like a spring morning.

You’ll start off with a shirt as pure and white as your grandpa’s dentures and you’ll soak up enough color while running to change your skin tone forever. You’ll wind up looking like a pack of skittles — just make sure not to “taste the rainbow.”

The actual color material is good ol’ cornstarch, dyed with something nontoxic and probably inedible anyway.

Here’s the FAQ. There will be a CMR run here in the Big Breezy on the 14th of July; they expect around 5,000 runners.

And if you were thinking that “rad,” the word, should have expired back in the 80s, well, they beg to differ:

Unlike Communism and my late Uncle Steven, “Rad” has survived the fall of the Soviet Empire, the scrutiny of the SEC and Webster’s Dictionary, heart disease, and the disdain of high school students everywhere. Like an old vinyl record, it was lost in common practice and parlance and has now reemerged as the vanguard for everyday nomenclature amongst babies, toddlers, teens, and business execs.

And, of course, an anthem by the Bouncing Souls, who drink beer and wear Adidas.







2 comments

  1. fillyjonk »

    2 May 2012 · 12:47 pm

    On the one hand, this sounds like a cool idea. On the other hand: if I have to be running, I really don’t want to get hit with “gloop” (I presume that it is cornstarch mixed WITH WATER and coloring).

    If I could stay healthy without exercise, honestly, I totally would not exercise.

  2. Nicole »

    2 May 2012 · 6:53 pm

    I don’t run at all. But if I did, this would appeal. But I want to go to India during their Holy Day Holiday where they throw the paint on everyone. :)

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