KingShamus watches MSNBC, and the next line is normally “so you don’t have to,” but the ratings suggest you already know that. It’s dull, junior-varsity stuff, he says:
For all intents and purposes, Rachel Maddow and Chris Hayes are catty community college wymyns studies profs desperately trying to out-Marx each other. Over at the other end of the faculty lounge, the Basketweaving department co-chairs Chris Matthews and Tom Brokaw are debating whether Premier Obama should next nationalize America’s Fig Newton Manufacturing Base or the Heating Ventilation Air Conditioning-Industrial Complex. Apple-polisher extraordinaire and student body punching bag Ezra Klein is tugging at Toure’s leg, pleading with him to be his black friend. In the meantime, adjunct lecturer Ed Schultz knocks back his fifth Jack-n-Coke before noon while angrily jabbing his finger at the Young Republican who dared to question him during his Economics class.
MSNBC is every college student’s most boring moments — crappy teachers, horrible subjects, lame classmates — distilled and refined into a potent televised package of tedium. If that sounds like a rip-roaring party to you, then knock yourself out. To most people, it resembles nothing less than the second circle of Hell.
Maddow is easily the smartest of the bunch, but how hard is it to be smarter than Chris “Mr. Tingly” Matthews? And anyway, Fig Newtons are already under the control of
the National Biscuit Company Nabisco Kraft Mondelēz.