Three-buck puck

Drew Magary’s “Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog” complains bitterly about a food item:

Item #02-741009 Callie’s Charleston Biscuits

Williams-Sonoma says: “Flaky, buttery, and made by hand by celebrated caterer Callie White.”

Price: $72 (set of 24)

Notes from Drew: That’s $72 for biscuits. At Popeye’s, the biscuit comes free with your order. At Williams-Sonoma, it costs you the rough equivalent of your phone bill. How good could these biscuits possibly be? There’s a threshold past which biscuits cannot improve. Even the best goddamn biscuit in the world isn’t $72 better than a Popeye’s biscuit. Unless that biscuit can make you teleport.

You may be assured, however, that if it can, I’m buying it — even if the only place it takes me is the nearest Popeye’s, which is less than half a mile away.

(Via this @syaffolee tweet.)







5 comments

  1. fillyjonk »

    15 November 2012 · 11:00 am

    For $72 per biscuit, I’d expect her to come to my house and bake it for me. And it damn well better be the low-sodium version (shaking cane).

    I’m thinking “teleportation biscuits” will show up in at least one NaNoWriMo novel. And very possibly some future episode of MLP:FiM (“Pinkie Pie Discovers the Space-Time Continuum”).

  2. McGehee »

    15 November 2012 · 11:07 am

    the nearest Popeye’s, which is less than half a mile away.

    Lucky you. I have no idea where our nearest Popeye’s is.

    Of course, I’m not as big a fan of biscuits as I used to be. At Steak ‘n Shake for breakfast I order sourdough toast; at Cracker Barrel for dinner I opt for corn muffins. The biscuits that come incidentally with certain breakfasts from McDonald’s or Hardee’s are okay but the one time Hardee’s gave me an extra country-fried steak instead of a biscuit I was very much not ungratified.

    When my mother made biscuits she preferred a variety that basically involved making dough in a bowl and scooping it onto the baking sheet instead of rolling it out and cutting circles. I shall remain partial to that format until my dying day.

  3. CGHill »

    15 November 2012 · 11:18 am

    My grandmother called those “drop biscuits,” and they have certain textural advantages over the rolled-out kind.

  4. Jeffro »

    15 November 2012 · 10:43 pm

    Same here for the drop biscuits. Thanks to Jerry Clower, we consider canned biscuits to be “whomp biscuits.”

    Which I think I’d rather have than biscuits at $36/dozen.

  5. Charles Pergiel »

    16 November 2012 · 1:06 pm

    What we have here are biscuits that no one else is going to have, and that’s important when you have an extra $72 to blow. Or maybe it just gets you a really nice person on the phone when you call to place your order. Or maybe they call your neighbor to have them make the biscuits right now and bring them over while they are still hot. Geez, so many opportunities here.

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