The lovely and talented E. M. Zanotti, hoping to ward off Complete Financial Collapse, proposes several revenue-enhancement measures:
- $10 tax everytime someone uses the phrase, “my bad.”
- 20% penalty tax on anyone who ordered an apple martini after 1998.
- 40% tax on anyone who buys World Series, Super Bowl, Stanley Cup winners’ merchandise post-facto. Double if Heat or Yankees win.
- $100 penalty on anyone who uses a Bluetooth earpiece.
- Tribal tattoo? $30 per year tax. Tramp Stamp? $50. Double if it’s a butterfly.
- 50% additional income tax on anyone listing their primary occupation as “reality television star.”
- $1000 penalty for every unnecessarily tinted car window.
- Immediate institution of the Axe Body Spray Tax.