Authentic robot gibberish

Somewhere in the vast botnet, there is a machine sending out this weird text sample under the title “PC Error Removal”:

mentiams seemasm crosoduching portle drenation ousnappitters filesspective squero tourness scoper shamps oblelibell shamps. oblindings progichastits ritelenmens waywortsmarks extota bequanized viscent exciand matempendully velyncies peneed romesseld. pealth scrium advelnes shrianest compast forgst simposconcia decluble thsterenth efering acticiouts withendes obscor stickerysly farecienies matemper disgroonesset. jurinap burliner sionce scamation bumbericated benesin franno recroutratess ovissivers atered crifyinger riathelmedly climaxons polimillowerly norment scoffects paratole reascessies reextruch gramazing euchbows rantenvics.

It pains me that there are no definitions for these nonwords, so once, anyway, unto the breach:

Portle, v.i. To make use of a portal. (“We portled our way to Beta Centauri to save time and fuel.”)

Compast, n. A pile of organic material that has decayed beyond usability. (“You’re never going to get your tomatoes to grow if you dump that compast on them.”)

Efer, v.i. To use the F-word (q.v.) profusely. (“The Big Lebowski sets the curve for contemporary efering.”)

Burliner, n. A sock of unusual thickness, intended to protect the ankles from certain weeds. (“Better wear your burliners, there’s a bumper crop of stickers this year.”)

Scoffects, n. pl. The personal property of an individual arrested for a misdemeanor. (“We’re holding Mr Franno’s scoffects as evidence.”)

Norment, v.t. To assail an individual with statistics. (“The doctor normented me for half an hour before she’d give me the prescription.”)

Climaxon, n. The theoretical unit particle of orgasm. (“Two hundred sixty climaxons! I’m telling you, Cindy, this one’s a keeper!”)

Feel free to bumbericate your way to some definitions of your own.


  1. McGehee »

    15 January 2013 · 7:34 am

    “Scamation” is too easy: the process of being scammed.

  2. McGehee »

    15 January 2013 · 7:37 am

    Okay, here’s another: “oblindings” refers to the epidemic of sudden disappearance of critical thinking skills among people who fall under the spell of Barack Obama. As in, “The epidemic of oblindings seems concentrated among media types, but a pretty sizeable fraction of the electorate must have fallen prey too, for him to have won re-election.”

  3. fillyjonk »

    15 January 2013 · 8:09 am

    “scoffects” – the way a person of meeker temperament reacts when someone scoffs at them (typically: stops talking, looks at the floor, maybe starts to tear up)

    “progichastits” – when someone berates someone else for failing to make what they perceive as sufficient progress on some project.

    “stickerysly” – the sort of burrs you don’t notice until they’re all covering your burliners.

    (And I highly approve of Burliner being applied to socks. Time was when, “Berlin wool” was a thin sort of worsted-spun yarn which conceivably could have been used for socks….)

  4. Kirk »

    15 January 2013 · 9:19 am

    “obscor” — An act resulting in points in a game from a rule that is not widely known, such as the 1-point safety rule in NCAA football.

  5. Kirk »

    15 January 2013 · 9:21 am

    And one more: “Filesspective” — the view of a person that results from reviewing their secret government dossier.

  6. CGHill »

    15 January 2013 · 10:22 am

    I’m still trying to figure out why they said “shamps” twice. Not that I’m all peneed about it or anything.

  7. fillyjonk »

    15 January 2013 · 10:48 am

    It’s probably a different word depending on how you pronounce it.

  8. nightfly »

    15 January 2013 · 11:07 am

    We can add “spambot programming” to the list of Lewis Carroll’s accomplishments.

  9. Tatyana »

    15 January 2013 · 3:44 pm

    Jurinap, obviously, is the next stage in reactions of the hang jury – when all 14* jurors are sick&tired of each other and want to escape if not outside than into fast and anxious sleep

  10. McGehee »

    15 January 2013 · 10:30 pm

    I once had a case of velyncies and I don’t want to do that again. At least, not all in one sitting.

  11. hatless in hattiesburg »

    16 January 2013 · 1:48 am

    all of these – in both post and comments – are great. they inspired me :)

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