If you’ve been reading this stuff for a year, you have at least a passing familiarity with the term “douchecanoe,” though I admittedly didn’t provide anything resembling a taxonomy of the subspecies. For that, you need LeeAnn’s description of just such a barge, a former coworker with delusions of adequacy:
In the past months, Scooter has been a revered member of the Armed Forces, a manager of a motorcycle shop, a bounty hunter, a feared and respected repo man, a member of Cirque Du Soleil, a secret agent, a bank manager, the inventor of the Grumpy Cat meme, and has had 312 girlfriends, all of whom still are obsessed with him. Scooter also maintains, despite the fact that everyone heard BossMan go ballistic and fire his sorry ass, that he quit to pursue a degree in criminology.
Scooter is well on his way to being a politician, we have all agreed.
At the very least, we need to check his cap size.