That’s Jack’s Q

I have been properly agnostic about Infiniti’s switch to an all-Q lineup, and decidedly skeptical about the Official Explanation. What I was waiting for, evidently, was Jack Baruth’s response:

Because it is part of my job to know, I will eventually put away my disgust long enough to internalize the ridiculous new naming convention employed by the not-really-autonomous luxury arm of Nissan. What I know offhand is this: the G37 successor will be called the Q50. This arrant stupidity is roughly equivalent to Rolls-Royce introducing a new small car and calling it the Phantom Eight. Or calling the new Acura ILX the Legend Plus Five. Or calling the swoopy 2014 Lexus IS the Lexus LS510hL. I could go on, and I encourage you to do so when you are wasting time with your work buddies at lunch (“Hey! I’ve got one! The new Mercedes CLA coulda been the S650!”) but you get the idea. The just-unveiled Infiniti Q-ship system has the previously unknown-to-science ability to make the utter marketing dolts at Lincoln and Cadillac look like geniuses just for not calling the MKZ and ATS the Continental Mark XIV and Fleetwood Talisman Brougham Eldorado, respectively.

And counter-threaded pot-metal dolts at that.

But what’s worse than a whole line of Q? A whole line of QX:

[T]he trucks all take a nomenclature cue from the QX56, a vehicle so unspeakably crass it depresses the space-time curve around it for kilometers and causes cordovan Alden penny loafers to spontaneously evolve into Chinese-sewn Kenneth Cole white-trash square-toe monstrosities as all notions of human decency are shattered beyond hope or recognition in its lumbering, cetacean wake.

All this and they still don’t have a proper follow-on product for the original Q45. I’m aware that 85 percent or so of automotive marketing consists of ripping off the competition; what I can’t fathom is why Nissan thinks the competition is Lincoln, which still doesn’t have a proper follow-on product for either the Continental or the Town Car.


  1. Lynn »

    22 January 2013 · 9:08 am

    I’m trying really hard to not be too dismissive and contemptuous of all this angst over car names because I’m sure there’s some little something that’s important to me that other people don’t get.

  2. CGHill »

    22 January 2013 · 5:42 pm

    If you need to be dismissive and contemptuous, though, feel free. It’s one of the few joys of being Way Over 21.

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