Pretty little budget liars

Now if you ask me, this is the definitive word on the Dread Sequester:

[T]he Sequester has become the high school drama queen of budget cuts. Instead of working the problem out rationally, making strategic cuts to bloated, ineffective or, even better, non-existent government programs, the Sequester levies 2.3% cuts across the board to useful and non-useful programs without critical distinction, tears its $200 prom dress to shreds, pulls out its hair extensions by the roots, locks itself in the bathroom, takes six days worth of Vitamin D caplets and claims to be thiiiis close to killing itself over the toilet unless you extend its curfew by one hour. You want budget cuts, fine. Consider yourself to have one less budget to cut.

And what do the perennial adolescents in the Congress do? Exactly what you’d think:

Republicans are responding to this in typical Republican fashion. You want to slice up the federal government and make us fly coach where we don’t get free alcohol and those fluffy fleece blankets? Fine. I hope your Medicaid patients who will determine the public relations results of this disaster starve to death in the streets. The Democrats, on the other hand, have taken to scaring the sh*t out of Americans. First, the government was going to shut down. Then, everyone’s paychecks were going to be late.

After living for nearly three years with a 32.3-percent budget cut, I figure I’m overqualified for Congress. Then again, I have a conscience, which makes me fundamentally unfit for the job anyway.


  1. fillyjonk »

    27 February 2013 · 3:59 pm

    Insert video of Rarity declaring “Out of all the things that could happen, this is THE WORST POSSIBLE THING” here. THAT’S how a drama queen does it.

    Yeah, I expect this to have about as much effect as the world “ending” on December 21st did.

  2. McGehee »

    27 February 2013 · 4:24 pm

    A week from this Saturday when I go to bed, I will honor the sequester by setting my clock ahead only 98% of an hour.

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