Meanwhile in Largeville

Jack Baruth, like me “a lumbering elephant among sleek greyhounds,” has finally figured out why the semi-supersized men’s wear is always sold out:

[S]omewhere, in a deep bunker, there’s a Secret Cabal Of Chunky Clothes Horses. A room full of 240-pound, six-foot-two men, laughing, joking, comparing their newest Kiton jackets and Zanella pants. And whenever something in their size comes up for sale, they act in a coordinated manner to sweep the entire inventory off the shelves in minutes. They’re great guys, these Star Chamber hiphopapotamuses, able to tell the difference between Super 120s and Super 180s with a flick of the thumb, always interested in full-thickness mother-of-pearl buttons and sterling-silver collar stays, tucking Marol shirts into their spreading waistlines and using Alden alligator belts to cinch up the resulting mess. They’re always one step ahead of me, laughing as I pick up the stuff they’re too sophisticated or tasteful to buy.

I’d like to think I’d balk at paying $300 for Zanella pants, though I wonder what it’s going to be like when Nordstrom opens its Rack not quite two miles from me.







3 comments

  1. Jeffro »

    15 June 2013 · 5:26 pm

    While I need Omar the Tentmaker to supply clothes in my size, I will never be a $300 pants guy or for high dollar shirts. Lately, I get it all by mail from Duluth Trading, land of the Ballroom Jeans. It’s basic and high quality stuff – everything I’ve purchased has made happy.

  2. McGehee »

    16 June 2013 · 8:57 am

    Lately I’ve been getting my duds from Cabela’s. Never been a Savile Row kind of guy…

  3. Charles Pergiel »

    16 June 2013 · 12:07 pm

    “sterling-silver collar stays”? You’re kidding me, right? No, you probably aren’t. I hate shopping for clothes. Big surprise. It’s a chore and I hate doing chores. If I need nice clothes I go to a men’s store and let the pro conspire with my wife to pick out what I need. I happily pay the exorbitant price and then don’t go back for at least ten years.

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