Eric Scheie wants his SAT scores, and can’t get them:
[F]or some time now I have been seeking my SAT score results from the early 1970s. After spending a non-refundable $30.00 fee, I received a letter from the testing board telling me that they cannot find my SAT scores. So I called my high school, and they can’t find them either.
He clings to one last hope:
[R]eading today’s news convinces me that in all probability, the NSA knows my SAT scores.
And my taxes fund the NSA, do they not?
So where are my SAT scores?
I’d suggest “in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying ‘Beware of the Leopard’,” but that’s probably reserved for Barack Obama’s transcripts.
Note: I took the SAT twice. The numbers are seared into my brain. (They also propped up the illusion that I was sort of bright, a notion I have worked diligently to dispel.)