Every pair a paradox

Note to the mythical Average Guy: You were wondering how it is that you get by with three pairs of shoes while your girlfriend has sixty-seven and says she needs more. It’s not necessarily a desire to dominate the closet in some domestic version of Risk; nor is it the elevation of the mundane to the status of an icon. (Well, it could be, if everything she has came from Payless except for those CFM pumps she saw on Zappos and bought with your credit card.)

What is closer to the mark, I believe, is that while you wear those old Chuck Taylors as close to 24/7 as possible, she goes through several different pairs, styles even, in a single day. Rachel corroborates:

I love taking off my shoes as much as I love shoes. I do it unconsciously: At home, at work, or at the movies. My feet, apparently, have a need to be free. You know how some people are always looking for their keys? Or their glasses? I’m always looking for my shoes. The first thing I do when I get home is take off my shoes and put on a pair of slippers or flip flops. (If my shoes are particularly binding, I might take them off in the car. I tend to have at least one or two pairs of shoes in my car at any given time.) Later, I’ll unconsciously slip out of my flip flops, get up to perform some stupid task, notice that my feet are unshod and go into my closet for another pair. This can go on for hours until at the end of the night I look around and see that I’ve left a trail of shoes around the house, some of them kicked off in mid-stride as though the person wearing them had suddenly been vaporized while heading to the kitchen.

She doesn’t say whether she drives barefoot — which, incidentally, is not actually illegal unless one is barefoot up to one’s chin, as it were — but I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised.

This is, I might add, a major reason why you need not fear the succubus: at some point she’ll change shoes, and there’s your opportunity to escape.

Addendum: This obsession, if obsession it be, does not affect Syaffolee.





5 comments

  1. Rachel »

    6 June 2007 · 5:55 pm

    I do drive barefoot. I suppose I could get a special pair of driving shoes, which is a good excuse to get another pair of shoes, but then my feet wouldn’t be free.

  2. McGehee »

    6 June 2007 · 7:26 pm

    I’m always looking for my shoes. The first thing I do when I get home is take off my shoes and put on a pair of slippers or flip flops.

    I’ve found that with fewer pairs of shoes, there’s plenty of room for all of them in one place — so when I want to shed my boots for my moccasins, I take the boots off at the same place I find my moccasins.

    Then again, with three cats it’s easy to learn never to walk around barefoot in the house…

  3. trumwill »

    6 June 2007 · 11:43 pm

    I think that shoes are an example of where women are their own worst enemy. We men couldn’t own ten pairs of shoes without having nigh-duplicates, but they’ve worked it so they have to have a different type for every occasion. Then again, I have the tendency to go buy more underwear when we don’t feel like doing wash, so while a woman might have 30 pairs of shoes, I have about 600 pairs of underpants.

  4. Sarah »

    7 June 2007 · 1:45 pm

    I could wear my Chuck Taylors every day and be happy.

  5. blythe »

    7 June 2007 · 4:32 pm

    My Chuck’s are always in heavy rotation – with the rest of my 40 pair… Zappos is the devil.

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