What kind of a guru are you?

You may not have known this, but:

We exist as atomic ionization.

You and I are dreamweavers of the quantum matrix.

The galaxy is radiating ultra-sentient particles. Grace is the driver of faith. Nothing is impossible.

We must learn how to lead advanced lives in the face of dogma. It is time to take wonder to the next level. This quest never ends.

Humankind has nothing to lose. We are in the midst of a karmic condensing of wellbeing that will align us with the quantum matrix itself. Our conversations with other storytellers have led to a refining of ultra-internal consciousness.

The future will be a self-aware redefining of consciousness.

Rebirth is the healing of presence, and of us. Intuition requires exploration. By unfolding, we dream.

As you dream, you will enter into infinite understanding that transcends understanding. You will soon be reborn by a power deep within yourself — a power that is unrestricted, non-local. Through numerology, our hopes are baptized in growth.

Was this a random survey taken at the checkout counter of Buzzwords R Us? Well, not exactly. Seb Pearce explains:

“This all sounds like random sequences of buzzwords. I bet I could write code to generate it.” It seemed like not only a fun side project, but a great way to prove how easy it is to make hogwash that looks compelling. It might help show that it’s the language games and emotions that lure people into this stuff. I started scribbling down any words I could think of that evoked a feeling of bullshit: quantum, growth, matrix, path, potential, flowering…

And thus the New Age Bullshit Generator was born.

One click of the Generator, in fact, produced that entire first blockquote.

(Spotted in Charles Pergiel’s FB timeline.)


  1. fillyjonk »

    5 May 2014 · 9:51 am

    Dammit. And here I was, trying to understand and evaluate it.

    There needs to be a version of “TL:DR” for stuff like that. “Too BS-y, Gave Up Trying To Understand”?

  2. backwoods conservative »

    5 May 2014 · 2:38 pm

    I’ll stick with being an Old Age Bullshit Generator.

  3. McGehee »

    5 May 2014 · 5:12 pm

    FJ, how about, “Too BS-y, got excellent grades in all the classes built on it”?

  4. Jess »

    5 May 2014 · 6:58 pm

    Somewhere out in the internet, is the “Postmodern Generator”. It’s fun to fiddle around with.

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