The patented Cash Extraction method

Something called “Federal Benefits Authority, L.L.C.” — the obligatory “not affiliated with any government agency” disclaimer is in type too small for many people my age to read — has thrown a one-sheet letter into my box:

Our records indicate that you may be at or approaching retirement eligibility age. In order to receive an updated Federal Benefits Analysis, please complete the questionnaire below. The customized analysis will provide you with critical information you will need to make important decisions regarding your retirement benefits.

Shorter version: “We want to get our hands on your TSP, and we want you to tell us exactly how to do it.”

Not being a civil servant, or either of those words individually, I don’t have a Thrift Savings Plan, and if I did, I probably might not want it to get near any guys with an Edmond post-office box and a questionable nature and a flawed mailing list. (Not only do I not qualify, they got my middle initial wrong.)







2 comments

  1. JT »

    31 May 2014 · 12:54 pm

    Our records indicate that you may be at or approaching retirement eligibility age.

    In other words, they raided the AARP database.

  2. CGHill »

    31 May 2014 · 1:44 pm

    Which makes for a loose definition of “approaching,” since AARP has been sending me stuff for over a decade.

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