They never outgrow the cheerleaders

I am aware that the ability to lure women half your age into the sack is highly prized these days, at least among men my age. And while I’d be lying if I said I never thought about it, I’d be damned embarrassed if I came off like this:

We met on a dating site. Dave was interesting, gentlemanly and bright. He held my hand and toured with me on long bicycle rides. He drove many miles to come to my door. He made meals for us both and ruffled my dog’s happy head. I was enticed and longed for the full knowing of this man. And so, we planned a weekend together. That’s when things got confusing, unspoken and just-not-quite there. We went to bed in a couple’s way — unclothed and touching — all parts near. Kisses were shared and sleep came in hugs. I attempted more intimacy throughout the weekend and was deterred each time.

On Monday evening over the phone, I asked this man who had shared my bed for three nights running why we had not made love. “Your body is too wrinkly,” he said without a pause. “I have spoiled myself over the years with young woman. I just can’t get excited with you. I love your energy and your laughter. I like your head and your heart. But, I just can’t deal with your body.”

Dave is 55. Apparently he figures he’s still entitled to centerfold material. And this is what upset his applecart so:

I am a 59-year-old woman in great health and in good physical shape. I stand five-feet, nine-inches tall and weigh 135 pounds. I wear a size six in both jeans and panties, and my breasts are nowhere near my navel. In fact, they still struggle to make it full-up in a B-cup bra. My thighs are no longer velvet and my buttocks have dimples. My upper arms wobble a bit and my skin shows the marks of the sun. There is a softness around my waist that is no longer perfectly taut, and the pout of my abdomen attests to a c-section that took its bikini flatness — but gave me a son.

I should be in such shape, qualitatively speaking, at my age, which, you’ll remember, is only slightly beyond hers.

The manosphere would explain to me that Dave’s just exercising his Game, and maybe I’ll give him that. But the time to back off, I contend, is a long time before the third trip to the bedroom. And I have enough douchitude of my own to regret, thank you very much; you’re not helping.


  1. RRFCL »

    15 July 2014 · 3:35 am

    Dollars to donuts, Dave actually “spoils himself” with porn, which sets up the male psyche for unrealistic, virtually unattainable erotic expectations of youthful near-perfection, with which the fittest 59-year-old could never compete. It’s his problem, not yours.

  2. CGHill »

    15 July 2014 · 7:23 am

    Which is consistent with his complain about “wrinkles,” routinely erased by the vendors before the product is presented.

  3. CGHill »

    15 July 2014 · 8:20 am

    Jack Baruth, who has had more dates than I’ve had candy bars, comments:

    Robin’s enemy here wasn’t Dave. It was a society and a media that told her the lie that she could be beautiful at fifty-five. Very few people manage that. I sure as hell won’t. Come back in thirteen years and see what I look like. I’ll be lucky if I manage to look like [L. J. K.] Setright and not Orson Welles. If I based my self-worth on being beautiful, I would be well-advised to make an appointment with a bottle of sleeping pills, pronto.

    Maybe it’s just me — or my knack for mood lighting.

  4. McGehee »

    15 July 2014 · 8:32 am

    There was also a lie under Dave’s delusion: that a man in his 50s can land a supermodel without previously landing his private jet for their first date.

  5. LCB »

    15 July 2014 · 8:38 am

    Yes, young women are beautiful. But there’s no THERE there. Talking to them, and that’s part of the joy of a relationship, is trying because they just don’t have the world experience us older folks (I’m 54) have.

  6. Roger Green »

    15 July 2014 · 9:23 am

    What LCB said.

  7. fillyjonk »

    15 July 2014 · 10:46 am

    What everyone else said. Also, from the distaff side here, for me to really love a guy and want to spend time with him, the only wrinkles I really care about are the ones in his brain.

    It does seem shockingly shallow to me to reject someone who otherwise seems a good companion because they look wrinkly naked. (I am now looking down at my little potbelly with some despair in my heart)

  8. Charles Pergiel »

    15 July 2014 · 3:10 pm

    I suspect the dude of lying to cover up his failure to perform. He doesn’t want to feel like a failure, so he tries to make the woman feel like one. Or maybe he really does have a psychological defect.

  9. fillyjonk »

    16 July 2014 · 7:15 am

    Interesting thought, that. “It’s not me, it’s YOU.” Still a jerk move, but maybe a little more forgivable than the “Ew, you are unaesthetic to me.”

  10. CGHill »

    16 July 2014 · 7:56 am

    I figure I’m capable of as much cluelessness (or sheer douchity) as Dave, but fortunately this isn’t being put to the test.

  11. Bill »

    17 July 2014 · 6:46 am

    What Charles said. I suspect the Players on the few sites I’ve seen would have labeled him a beta in alph’s clothing, since no one with game would have tried landing her in the first place.

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