6 things we never want to see lists of again

Lynn was grumbling about yet another list, this one called “9 Things Middle-Aged Women Should Stop Doing Immediately.” Things got meta down in the comments when Nicole said there should be a list of “6 Things We Never Want to See Lists of Again,” and I said to myself, “Self? There’s your cue.”

  • “Ten Bands We Really Hate.” The only possibly interesting factor here is whether someone comes up with a way to mention Nickelback twice.
  • “Twelve Ugly Celebrity Body Parts.” Most of the time, this ends up being pictures of orange-peel deposits on the backs of their legs, or shots of their feet. (And if the latter, you will see Halle Berry, who really, truly does not have twelve toes, no matter what you heard.)
  • “Eight Ways to Reduce Carbs.” Scrape out the inside of the burrito, then give the hollowed-out husk to the stray cat from three doors down.
  • “Seven Shows You May Not Have Considered for Binge-Viewing.” At least four of them could be, and should be, According to Jim.
  • “Five National Conversations We Need to Have.” Inevitably, this translates to “Five issues on which you need to be lectured, since obviously you haven’t been taking the subtle hints we’ve been giving you all along.”
  • “Nine Ways to Look Better Naked.” You may reasonably distrust any of these that don’t begin with “Turn off the damn lights.”

Now I’m sorry I brought it up.

Addendum: Lynn herself weighs in.





5 comments

  1. backwoods conservative »

    10 December 2014 · 7:43 pm

    I’m feeling kind of listless today.

  2. fillyjonk »

    10 December 2014 · 8:31 pm

    “One weird trick to come up with lists of stuff”?

  3. Tatyana »

    11 December 2014 · 9:16 am

    A fellow blogger once surprised me with a question: haven’t you grew up making lists of things? She said all her friends were obsessed with reading encyclopedias as if it were adventure novels, collecting coins, producing taxonomies of their classmates and teachers and composing classifying cars driving past.
    Apparently, there are hordes of similarly afflicted mild-Asperger cases around.

    Sometimes I think the normalcy in the world is reversed and I’m the weird one left.

  4. fillyjonk »

    11 December 2014 · 1:26 pm

    Oh, I grew up reading encyclopedias (and dictionaries) and I enjoyed doing things like ordering my little plastic toy animals by taxonomic grouping (as far as I knew them in those days).

    (I have taken the online tests and come up “neurotypical” every time but still sometimes I wonder)

    But the “listicle” websites bother me because so often the information is so surficial, so trivial (sometimes so wrong), and they’re usually larded up with ads and the “list” is actually a series of pictures you have to click through. In other words: largely content-free.

  5. Tatyana »

    11 December 2014 · 2:05 pm

    If you receive newsletter from LinkedIn (usually unsolicited; I had to go and unsubscribe) with articles by whom they call “Influencers”, they are notorious for that nonsense. “10 reasons..this” and “6 rules…that”, typically “12 interview mistakes”, etc.
    And all that is very subjective or contradicts one’s work experience!

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