Heed the calendar
Longwood, Florida — 1539.2 miles
Things started out innocently enough. I had gotten to within a hundred miles of the Florida line when I saw Hugh Hefner’s trademarked Rabbit on a billboard. Who knew that (1) there was a Playboy Outlet Store (2) in Georgia? I pulled up, decided the place looked too depressing, and drove off. What’s within, said this traveler:
It was … disappointing. I was really hoping for more variety but honestly? It was all scary leather ‘clothing’ with the bunny head in contrasting leather colors. And the shoes … oh, my, nothing like the Playboy brand shoes you find in the local stores, no, these were jelly heels. Heels, y’all. Jelly. Heels. Oy to the vey. But I did pick up a pair of pink and silver bunny post earrings. Of course, because of the big biker party that weekend the cash register wasn’t hooked back up yet so I had to go to the adult store next door to pay for them.
Apparently I didn’t miss much.
Closer to the border was a place advertising thousands of books, none over $3. Which is true, sort of: they have two storefronts, one at each end of the strip, and one of them has more conventional (and higher-priced) remainders, but the other one is indeed $2.99 and under. (Yes, I hit them both.)
Then I entered Florida, and there was a billboard that read “Welcome to Florida. Mortality rate 100%. Are you ready?” Pertinent Bible verse affixed near the bottom. Then the rain started. And got worse. Visibility dropped to zilch. I said, mostly out loud, “Do I really want to die this way on Friday the 13th, fercrissake?” So I pulled over and waited it out.
Interstate 75, incidentally, is like the New Jersey Turnpike with crummier pavement; getting off of it was the single most relaxing thing I did all day. And due to people testing that mortality rate, it took an hour to get across Orlando. I suspect, though, that this is the norm for Mausplatz.
Toll report: Florida’s Turnpike, $3.00; total $7.75.
Joel »
13 July 2007 · 6:20 pm
You don’t want to come to Florida to die, it’s cliche.
How far south did you get on I-75? It doesn’t get much better around Tampa – they fix the thing in patches because disrupting traffic would be disastrous, but it just makes matters worse switching between smooth blacktop and the nasty grey stuff.
Taking I-4 from Tampa to Orlando can take anywhere between 50 minutes to over an hour and a half, and that’s not accounting for the usual accident.
I hate Orlando.
CGHill »
13 July 2007 · 6:23 pm
I departed at the Florida’s Turnpike exit (328?).
Kirk »
13 July 2007 · 8:25 pm
Enjoy your stay in the Sunshine State, Chaz.
The map I been making of the trek has been updated for Day 4.