The destructive power of kale

Look what it’s done to this poor imbecile:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: Vegans, what do i do about my neighbor?

my neighbor cooks meat outside often, im a vegan and offended by the smell of cooking meat. i went over there to tell him to stop, he said ‘go f*ck yourself, this is my grill, my food, my property. go home, or i will have you arrested for trespassing. dont like it? then you can close your windows or leave the town.’ can you imagine the audacity of a person like this? im thinking of holding a peta protest outside his house. is there anything i can do? should i call the cops on him?

Whichever of these is more pertinent:

  • Quit trolling, ya knucklehead;
  • Kindly point to the section of the Constitution that gives you the right not to be offended.

Otherwise, I’d say “die in a fire,” and if it comes to that, I’ll happily contribute some kindling.





8 comments

  1. Bill Peschel »

    1 June 2015 · 5:49 pm

    If you knock him out first, then he can’t smell himself cooking, and you’ll have no need to issue a trigger warning.

  2. CGHill »

    1 June 2015 · 6:42 pm

    Damn, you guys think of everything.

  3. fillyjonk »

    1 June 2015 · 6:59 pm

    If he called the cops on his neighbor, they’d probably thank him for the invite to the barbecue. Maybe they’d even bring some burgers.

    (And I forsee the future: whole gated communities, just for those concerned about the purity of their diet)

  4. Jay »

    1 June 2015 · 8:33 pm

    I like the idea of Fillyjonk’s gated community – as long as the gates lock from the outside.

  5. jsallison »

    1 June 2015 · 8:53 pm

    “I like the idea of Fillyjonk’s gated community – as long as the gates lock from the outside.”

    After which, at some point, they’d have to eat each other. Hey, I’mna kinda liking this! Consider the possibilities!

  6. Francis W. Porretto »

    2 June 2015 · 4:19 am

    Ronald Coase, call your office! Urgent! Urgent!

    (This is what happens when we let the mentally ill run around loose: they multiply to the point where the only way to be free of their nuisances is to lock ourselves into asylums.)

  7. fillyjonk »

    2 June 2015 · 7:22 am

    jsallison: it could be named something like Soylent Hills.

  8. Joseph Hertzlinger »

    3 June 2015 · 9:16 pm

    Seen on a bumper sticker:

    SAVE A COW
    EAT A VEGETARIAN

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