Violet thoughts

I’ve often felt like this:

He typed like a ninja with no arms, and the text flowed like a drop of blood down a katana blade sharpened with one of those automatic kitchen things you can buy on late-night television when you’re drunk but not too drunk to read off your 16-digit credit card number and security code.

This paragraph — by Alex Dering of Brooklyn — won a Dishonorable Mention in the Purple Prose division of this year’s Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, dedicated, as always, to “bad opening sentences to imaginary novels.” The 2015 winners list is now up.

I probably could not have equaled this feat, compelled as I am to point out that American Express cards have only 15 digits. (Oh, and a longer security code.)





1 comment

  1. McGehee »

    4 September 2015 · 8:44 am

    “I want more than anything to win the Bulwer-Lytton contest, more than anything except obviously a trillion dollars and the undying devotion of the most beautiful woman on earth, but within the realm of the possible I want more than anything to win the Bulwer-Lytton contest.”

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