Putting the Mo back into Mopar

News Item: Chrysler’s new owner, Cerberus Capital Management, expects the carmaker to return to profitability in roughly three years’ time. In a recent interview, Cerberus boss John Snow told reporters “I think you’ll see that Chrysler will be in much better shape within three years. This is a plan to get it back to profitability.” To ensure that it actually happens, former Home Depot chief Robert Nardelli has been appointed as the automaker’s new Chairman and CEO.

Top Ten steps to be taken by new Chrysler chairman Bob Nardelli to bring the company back to prosperity:

  1. Equip all Five Star dealerships with both English and Spanish signage
  2. License the Hemi to John Deere to build the world’s fastest lawn tractor
  3. Redesign the Dodge Ram logo to look less girly
  4. Fire whichever dorkwad thought the world needed a Jeep that seats seven
  5. Outsource everything smaller than the Pacifica to Hyundai
  6. Promise never to allow Lee Iacocca on television again
  7. Same goes for Dr Z
  8. Revive Dodge La Femme, offer Amanda Marcotte a test drive
  9. Two words: Demon roadster
  10. Create unprecedented buzz by burying all new models for fifty years

And don’t you miss rich Corinthian leather?





5 comments

  1. ms7168 »

    8 August 2007 · 6:37 am

    Well now interestingly there is NO listing for Chrysler Financial which is who finances vehicles. So wonder what happened to that? Of course people say “well they cash my checks!”

  2. McGehee »

    8 August 2007 · 6:42 am

    I’m sorry, but if I click a link for a “Demon roadster,” I don’t expect to see an BMW Z4 with a Dodge logo on it.

  3. Test »

    8 August 2007 · 8:44 am

    10…learn english or leave

    08…charger look but will change the truck evolution. A woman designer is part of the program team

    07…because it sells. Next GC will have three rows of seat and thus ends the Commander.

    03…not in your lifetime

    02 how about the Dodge Raptor

    last – fire the incoming CEO and wait until 2009 to hire Wolfgang B.

  4. triticale »

    8 August 2007 · 6:01 pm

    02 – how about a Plymouth Barracuda – specifically a Hemi-Cuda

  5. Gradual Dazzle »

    8 August 2007 · 11:36 pm

    Cor DO ba.

    Are there any of those godawful crap cars still out there? Eesh.

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