Something called Cavalry Portfolio Services, a collection agency with delusions of grandeur, left a message on my machine today for somebody who isn’t here and never has been: I assume they saw a similar name in the phone book and decided that yes, this is the woman we’re looking for.
And their pitch was one I hadn’t heard before: “If you are not [debtor’s name] you must hang up.” Pause. “By continuing to listen to this call you acknowledge that you are in fact [debtor’s name].”
On the off-chance that they might Google themselves:
Dear Cavalry: By reading this article you acknowledge that (1) you are complete and utter tools and (2) you are expected to remit one thousand dollars ($1,000) by cashier’s check or money order to me at my address, in partial compensation for wasting my time and for assuming that your feeble excuse for skip tracing somehow equates to actual identification.
I am not a lawyer, nor do I play one on TV, and it’s been almost a month since the last time I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express, but I believe this is every bit as enforceable as the crap they put out over the phone.