Why are my flakes so soggy?

GreenCanary wants to know:

Why do we put milk in cereal? Why not other liquids, like water, orange juice, or V8? (Apart from the obvious, that V8 in Lucky Charms would taste like ass.) I tried to Google this but searching for “Why do we put milk in cereal?” came up with a gazillion hits on a gazillion irrelevant things.

Lucky Charms, almost uniquely among cereals, possesses an irreducible assitudinousness: it will taste like that whether you immerse it in milk, water, V8, Pennzoil or Fletcher’s Castoria.

Still, the larger question bears investigation. I suspect that the practice was an invention of the cereal companies themselves, who, having noticed that their products had all the nutritional value and not quite all the flavor of drywall, decided to pitch the idea of a Complete Breakfast, which includes their product, a splash of milk, and maybe half a banana. It would be harder to make this case if people were in the habit of mixing their cereal with Tanqueray or Pabst.

Keep in mind, these are the folks who came up with a product called Grape-Nuts, which contains neither grape nor nuts.





14 comments

  1. michele »

    31 August 2007 · 2:26 pm

    You’ve never had cereal with beer? It’s the breakfast of champions.

  2. Donna »

    31 August 2007 · 2:33 pm

    I put Silk (Soy Milk) in my Special K.

  3. Andrea Harris »

    31 August 2007 · 3:58 pm

    I put half and half on my Raisin Bran.

  4. fillyjonk »

    31 August 2007 · 6:50 pm

    I knew someone who used to put OJ on his Frosted Flakes. Made me shudder in horror to think of it, but he said it was good. Of course, this was not someone known for the sensitivity of his palate.

    My grandma (who was probably lactose intolerant; she claimed to “hate” milk because it upset her stomach) would put coffee on All-Bran for breakfast (which doesn’t sound so bad, at least if you like coffee.)

    I suspect it originally had something to do with nutritionally “goosing” a product that, to begin with, was probably pretty empty. (Most cereals today are so fortified you could probably survive on a diet solely made up of them. Even the dreaded Lucky Charms.)

    That said: don’t diss the Grape-Nuts. Grape-Nuts are good. (Grape-Nuts “Trail Mix” is even better).

  5. CGHill »

    31 August 2007 · 6:57 pm

    Hey, I like Grape-Nuts. I have a box on the shelf even now. But my fondness for the stuff does not make its name more sensible.

  6. Ed Flinn »

    31 August 2007 · 7:13 pm

    Michele’s right, corn flakes and lager begins the day in a Jim Morrison-feeling sort of way.

  7. Andrea Harris »

    31 August 2007 · 7:44 pm

    Half and half on grape nuts is good too. And if you happen to have some heavy cream on hand…

    Excuse me, I need a moment alone.

  8. Mister Snitch! »

    31 August 2007 · 10:34 pm

    Michele’s right, corn flakes and lager begins the day in a Jim Morrison-feeling sort of way.

    The bubbles keep the flakes afloat.

    Captain Crunch’s crew eats their cereal with rum. They used to serve it with milk, but he felt he was losing their respect so he tried giving them dirty bowls to prove he was butch and all. (You should have seen the scrimshaw grafitti they kept under their bunks and passed around when he wasn’t looking!) Eventually one of the crew tried rum on his cereal, and of course after that nothing else would do. So for that bunch, now breakfast isn’t just the most important meal of the day – lots of times it’s the ONLY one.

  9. Winston »

    1 September 2007 · 6:43 am

    I never tried it (didn’t want to waste the beer that way), but I had a friend in college that swore by the corn flakes and beer thing. Me, I like Raisin Nut Bran, eaten dry right out of the box, by the handful. Good and good for you!

  10. ms7168 »

    1 September 2007 · 8:35 am

    Being as I am cholesterol challenged and on medication I put 1% on my cereal. However, half and half on it is definitely OMG!

    Question . . why are Grape Nuts Flakes so expensive?

  11. McGehee »

    1 September 2007 · 10:32 am

    Question . . why are Grape Nuts Flakes so expensive?

    They can only be made by having Third World refugees shave the flakes off regular Grape Nuts — by hand.

  12. belhoste »

    2 September 2007 · 12:25 am

    I personally prefer to add Captain Crunch to my peanut butter and banana sandwiches – gives it that little extra kick. As for the milk, I prefer it foamy with some caramel and a little espresso.

  13. Mister Snitch! »

    2 September 2007 · 11:03 am

    I personally prefer to add Captain Crunch to my peanut butter and banana sandwiches – gives it that little extra kick. As for the milk, I prefer it foamy with some caramel and a little espresso.

    Marry me.

  14. Jason »

    2 September 2007 · 10:15 pm

    Reminds me of the time I tried Corn Flakes with O.J…but only because I was too lazy to turn on the kitchen light and to cheap to replace the burned out bulb in the fridge.

    It wasn’t too bad

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