Jack Baruth muses about the impact of the dreaded Dodge Demon. (You remember the 707-hp Hellcat? Add 133 horses, or about one Hyundai Elantra.) At some point, things become post-apocalyptic:
The press preview for the Demon will happen any day now. All the Demons will be started at once. The resulting CO2 emissions will cause the earth to hockey-stick into the Apocalypse. The ground will start catching on fire. A rough beast will arise from the ground and begin slouching towards Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, drawn by rumors of a Demon in stock with no additional dealer markup. Life will be first cheap, then worthless. There is really a Jurassic Park. The dinosaurs in it are being crushed into oil to feed the Demons. The seas will rise, then fall. The earth will halt its rotation. It is falling into the sun as we speak. Three minutes to impact. Your cell phone is ringing. It is your Dodge dealer. There is a chance of a Demon allocation for 2018. Are you in or out?
I’m honestly not really prepared to pony up $85,000 for this Dodge, even though (1) that’s still cheaper than the Viper, may it rest in peace, and (2) whatever the MSRP, most dealers will tack on ten grand more, and David Stanley fifteen grand. But this is the true counterargument:
The author would like to remind everyone that his Kawasaki ZX-14R is faster than a Demon.
So there. And you still have to contend with little old ladies.