Strange search-engine queries (127)

Have you ever typed something really, really dumb into a search box, not knowing for sure what you might get?

Well, this isn’t about you. These people were actually hoping for something.

Car doesn’t accelerate above 30mph:  You might want to keep quiet about that, lest Congress get the idea that all our cars should be so crippled.

where are the bonuses for shelbyville il walmart employees:  In the second drawer, under the ledger book.

O/D Light is blinking in my 96 Mazda 626 what can i do:  I suggest a $3000 loan.

disney nudity scenes:  Now that’s just Goofy.

Complaints against Winstar Casino for disability discrimination:  Because it’s important that the differently-abled have the same opportunities as the rest of us to piss away their income.

Gary England KWTV the racist weatherman:  Hardly. He’s never said “We’ll keep you advised — except for you and you and those [collective noun] over there.”

penectomy snip:  You kind of hope it takes more than that. Like a chainsaw, perhaps.

its hard to find competent political science degree graduates:  Which explains why every election has at least one loser, right?

pull off hosiery without looking like a slut:  Actually, doing it with the hosiery on is far sluttier.

too bad your mother wasn’t a werewolf:  She never had much enthusiasm for staying out late at night.

gas praise in wheeling:  Blessings upon thee, Amoco Ultimate.

“she won’t have sex with me”:  Maybe if you’d get off the damn computer once in a while.





7 comments

  1. McGehee »

    7 July 2008 · 7:50 am

    its hard to find competent political science degree graduates

    That’s because competent people with poli-sci degrees don’t go around bragging about their degrees. It would be like Warren Buffett bragging about being on a first-name basis with the proprietor at the local pawn shop.

  2. sya »

    7 July 2008 · 9:46 am

    Well, if a candidate runs unopposed, then there is no loser.

  3. fillyjonk »

    7 July 2008 · 10:51 am

    Way back when I was in college (one of the so-called Public Ivys), we had a saying:

    “People who can’t hack the natural sciences go into Psychology.
    People who can’t hack Psychology go into Poli Sci.
    People who can’t hack Poli Sci go into Communications.”

    (I admit I cringe a bit at the departmental chauvinism in that remark now – but there was some truth in it, at my alma mater…each of those degrees required a decreasing amount of effort.)

    But I do think at a lot of schools, “Poli Sci” is often code for “I really don’t know WHAT I want to do in college, besides drink a lot of beer and hook up.”

  4. McGehee »

    7 July 2008 · 1:21 pm

    Well, if a candidate runs unopposed, then there is no loser.

    Except the voters. ;-)

  5. McGehee »

    7 July 2008 · 1:22 pm

    Heh, fillyjonk! I switched my major from communications to poli-sci.

    Didn’t consider psychology, though. I figured my underachiever credentials were already at risk.

  6. Ed Flinn »

    7 July 2008 · 2:37 pm

    penectomy snip

    Bet someone’s looking for a pair.

  7. See-Dubya »

    7 July 2008 · 7:00 pm

    I haven’t lived in Oklahoma for years but I still cracked up at the idea of Gary England saying that.

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