Wrongness abounds

The following, reports Julie R. Neidlinger, are “things God never intended”:

  • Skinny jeans on guys
  • Tattooed makeup on women
  • Huge spoilers bolted on the back of hilariously nonathletic-looking cars
  • Women’s short-shorts in any size above 12
  • Fried Oreos

Alas, my Photoshop skillz aren’t sufficiently mad for me to conjure up a picture of a guy in skinny jeans driving a slammed Mitsubishi with a wing the size of a surfboard, sitting next to his size-16 true love with the permanent mascara and the Daisy Dukes, chowing down on a cookie that used to have no trans fats.

Disclosure: I’m sorry, 12 doesn’t strike me as being all that darn big. What’s more, I was once married to a 20½. (She’s smaller these days. Or I’m bigger.)





5 comments

  1. Tatyana »

    2 August 2008 · 9:10 am

    Chaz, I wear 8 and I stay away from shorts!

  2. Julie »

    2 August 2008 · 8:00 pm

    I’m a size 12, and I have no business in short shorts. That’s why I used that as my arbitrary size guide.

    No business whatsoever.

  3. McGehee »

    2 August 2008 · 8:49 pm

    Huge spoilers bolted on the back of hilariously nonathletic-looking cars

    One accessory that had been mercifully removed before I got my first Bronco, back in 1999, was apparently a spoiler. Or so a fellow Bronco enthusiast deduced from the holes in the back of the fiberglass top.

    I cannot even imagine a Bronco with a spoiler. But at least it was too early for spinner rims.

  4. McGehee »

    2 August 2008 · 8:51 pm

    As for the fried Oreos, I recently saw a rerun on “Country Fried Home Videos” featuring a diner or fast-food place somewhere — almost certainly not north of the Mason-Dixon — where anything you might order came deep-fried.

    Including, allegedly, a Coke.

  5. CGHill »

    2 August 2008 · 9:13 pm

    Gwendolyn has a spoiler, mainly because it would be too much trouble to remove it. Inasmuch as it’s not mentioned on the original Monroney sticker, it had to have been installed at the dealership before, or perhaps right after, initial sale. Fortunately, its size is proportional to that of the deck lid.

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