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You do know what a leading question is, right?
Are 95% of the men in America impotent or what? I mean, I don’t mean to be crude, but why not, I can’t watch 30 minutes of television without being inundated with numerous ads for erectile dysfunction pills.
Be grateful you’re not watching Spike, where “numerous” gives way to “innumerable,” even for products known to be bogus.
I don’t have any, you should pardon the expression, hard information on how many guys suffer from this sort of thing, but in terms of sheer fear, it ranks somewhere beyond finding dead pixels on an LCD screen or losing an arm-wrestling match to a girl. I’ve never sampled any of these wares, partially because I have too damn many prescriptions to fill already and I suspect that one or two more will run my poor bedraggled sack of flesh to the point where it starts to liquidate itself and I’ll run down the wall and across the floor and soak into the carpeting, except that I don’t have any carpeting.
More to the point, performance-enhancing drugs are largely irrelevant if there’s not going to be any actual performance, but that’s a different issue entirely.
Tatyana »
19 September 2008 · 1:48 pm
Now, Chaz, is there an actual point in reminding us, time and again, that you don’t have a chance to perform? My interest is purely academic; say – as a fellow [junior] blogger, who’s been in this blogging business 1/10th of your time: is there any purpose of doing that?
-do you expect to find someone who’d get tired of this constant nail-hitting and says “l’right, let’s go” ?
or
-your stats experience sudden hike every time you mention this sad fact?
or
-you think this info is what we came here for?
No, really, tell me – I can’t think of other reasons and I don’t understand the urge.
McGehee »
19 September 2008 · 2:25 pm
It’s reverse bragging, I think. It’s said that those who claim to do it the most actually do it the least. I figure by that logic those who claim the most to never do it … um, “never do it” the least.
CGHill »
19 September 2008 · 2:28 pm
It’s shtick. It’s like Rodney Dangerfield griping about a lack of respect.
Jennifer »
19 September 2008 · 2:38 pm
The “new” Cialis ads for the daily dosage pills made me snort coffee out of my nose just this morning with their tagline: “for men who want to be ready any time the moment is right.”
I don’t know. Maybe I’ve been married too long. But the need for “readiness” on an every day basis seems somewhat overly optimistic if you ask me.
CGHill »
19 September 2008 · 2:43 pm
Spontaneity is overrated.
(Just thought I’d say that.)
Tatyana »
19 September 2008 · 3:21 pm
Dunno; both explanations doesn’t answer a question – why the fact is so important to mention at all?
Not that we don’t care for your well-being, you understand. It’s just…can you give us an update when you’ll finally get some? I mean, you care about this trifle so much…
Beavis »
19 September 2008 · 3:32 pm
You said schtick. huh huh.
fillyjonk »
19 September 2008 · 4:15 pm
I just wish they hadn’t appropriated “Viva Las Vegas” to sell one of their products. It’s kind of like Opus said about a video being made of “Yesterday” – he used to envision it as very peaceful dolphins cavorting in ocean water, and then after seeing the video (full of explosions and half-naked women), he could only picture exploding, half-naked dolphins.
I’d like jingle writers to actually write jingles again, instead of strip-mining pop culture for music they can exploit. True, “Viva Las Vegas” isn’t exactly the height of the art as far as rockabilly goes, but if the trend continues, we have to look forward to Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire” being used to sell Preparation H, or James Brown’s “Sex Machine” (which contains the line, “Get up – get on up”) to sell the very product being discussed here.
On the other hand? I’m just grateful that commercial for “Summer’s Eve” with the woman running through the cow pasture is off the air.
CGHill »
19 September 2008 · 4:20 pm
On the other hand, I’d buy James Brown-branded Mother Popcorn in a minute.
Big Bob »
19 September 2008 · 7:44 pm
[Whistling] C’mon try it! It is only 39.95 per month, and is guaranteed to produce results in just under 182 days….
(Now, at 5% interest, less shipping and handling..)
Fetiche Nouvelle »
20 September 2008 · 4:55 am
No, darling Charles: spontaneity must be very carefully planned and scheduled, or it simply doesn’t “come off.”
Thank you. You’ve inspired me to write about a recent date.
OldTexan »
20 September 2008 · 10:47 am
Folks, it is all about ‘Boomer Boners’, as the population bubble of baby boomers ages on into the 60’s and of course with the desire of other dudes to get ‘maximum performance’ it is not wonder they are buying buckets of Boomer Boner Octane Boosters, kind of like we used to buy stuff in the past in hopes that our old rust bucket cars would go faster.
Same old stuff, and as to that instant readiness, don’t they understand that you have to warm up the engine before you put it into gear and take off, otherwise you just wear out the rings and never get decent mileage. I guess for centuries people have been trying to find the ultimate ‘man of steel’ thing to make their sorry ass life complete and now it is our turn behind the wheel, so to speak.
CGHill »
20 September 2008 · 11:03 am
George Burns used to say that he could do anything at 85 that he could do at eighteen — “which shows you how pathetic I was when I was eighteen.”
GradualDazzle »
20 September 2008 · 9:55 pm
Fillyjonk — hear, hear. My poor children don’t even know the original Elvis version and have been completely ruined by the aforementioned Viva Viagra ads. If they come on TV while I’m watching now, I immediately mute the set.
I’m sick to death of the [swear word deleted by me] bazillion ED ads. They must work, or the companies wouldn’t shell out so much for the air time… but they have replaced tampon ads as my most hated commercials on television.