Marvels of technology
Upon receiving the following informative missive from the Cuyahoga Board of Elections, I was initially excited by its cover. “Instructions for New Optical Scan Voting System Inside,” it promised, and I thought, “The BOE is going to SCAN MY RETINAS to figure out who I’m voting for.” Then I considered the fact that any such equipment was probably manufactured by Diebold, and that meant that my eyeballs could be hacked by anyone with an iPod, some jewelry wire, and an old dog-eared copy of Electric Company magazine, and I instantly felt dubious.
But no, alas, there will be no Sci-Fi-Channelesque machine that says “Access Granted” in a soothing feminine robot voice. Instead, we here in the rustbelt will be employing the skills we mastered in 1982 while taking the Iowa Test of Basic Skills.
If it’s any consolation, we’ve been using this system in Soonerland since 1992. It works pretty darn well, too.
McGehee »
25 September 2008 · 11:57 am
The next time my wife catches me looking at another woman, I’ll tell her someone has hacked my eyeballs and see if she believes it.
McGehee »
25 September 2008 · 11:58 am
And trust me, the “my … eye” transition will be meticulously pronounced.
Kate »
26 September 2008 · 5:59 pm
Thanks for quoting me. I’m glad my lunacy doesn’t go completely unnoticed. :-)
Kate »
26 September 2008 · 6:02 pm
I think what I found especially funny is the fact that the state has spent massive sums of money to computerize the state, only to turn around this year and say, “No more computers,but look! We’re trying something NEW! It’s a revolutionary system called ‘Paper and Pen’!”