Things they didn’t try
News Item: General Motors Corp. and Chrysler LLC will get $13.4 billion in initial government loans to keep operating in exchange for a restructuring under a rescue plan announced by President George W. Bush.
Bankruptcy, said Mr Bush, was not an option. The Top Ten options that were not adopted:
- Bob Nardelli gives away Dodge Calibers in the streets of Mumbai
- Economic-stimulus checks good only toward the purchase of a new Pontiac (see dealer for details)
- GM revives Oldsmobile, renames it “Obamamobile,” hopes for change in its fortunes
- The ghost of Soichiro Honda is summoned to preside at Detroit board meetings
- As the Iraq war winds down, Dodge Dakotas are pressed into use as patrol vehicles
- We’re dealing like crazy! Call 1-800-BLAGOJEVICH now!
- Worried about global warming? Come to our storage facility and kick the crap out of the SUVs
- Knight Rider voice now available as an OnStar option
- Have Superman drive around the world in reverse in a Chrysler Sebring
- Develop a deadly virus that affects only retired and active UAW members
Kay Dennison »
19 December 2008 · 7:05 pm
I’d consider #9 if the check were big enough. I love my lil’ Pontiac Sunfire. Miss Ruby Begonia has excellent leg room and gets excellent gas mileage even in the city despite being a little old lady — unlike her owner who is a tall old lady. I don’t fit well in most Japanese cars — my legs are too long. My all-time favorite car was my 1966 Triumph GT-6+ (aka Nigel) except it kept me broke because British auto engineering kept me broke and made my mechanic rich.
CGHill »
19 December 2008 · 7:12 pm
The Triumph name, so far as I know, now belongs to BMW, and maybe some day they’ll bring it back. (They did a heck of a job with Mini, after all.)
McGehee »
19 December 2008 · 7:26 pm
Dunno if I’d buy a new Pontiac.
A Bonneville, though…
unimpressed »
19 December 2008 · 7:49 pm
I’d rather have the Triumph version of the Bonneville….
CGHill »
20 December 2008 · 9:56 am
Kay: BMW, claiming to have addressed this logistical problem in the 3-Series, tossed this line into a Eurobrochure: “Now long legs can be enjoyed even by the people who have them.”