Knocking back

As a matter of course, I have dashed off a letter to Awash in Bailout Funds Bank and Trust Company (Member FDIC), protesting their actions.

It goes like this:

I see you’ve given me the old Bailout Haircut: trimming [this credit line] because some magical formula told you to. While there’s no question that you can do that legally — so far as I can tell, the agreement lets you do anything this side of poisoning my dog with no recourse — I’m going to ask you to reconsider this action … for the following Not All That Bad Reasons:

  1. You’ve never gotten a payment late;
  2. I was hoping to be able to go on some sort of vacation this summer;
  3. This action makes me wonder whether it’s worth keeping the checking account I’ve had open for thirty-four years, which you acquired more than a decade ago.

Of course, it may well be that nowadays you can’t be bothered with anyone with a New Improved FICO under 800, and you’d hardly be alone in that; it doesn’t take much to see that the problems of us smaller account-holders don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world, as the phrase goes. Just the same, I’d like to see some of the enthusiasm with which your staff originally issued and activated these cards applied to the fine art of customer relations: I know you can do it — I’ve been dealing with [bank name] since the [previous bank name] days — and I’d like to think you haven’t forgotten how.

I estimate the probability of success at one in three, which is below my current batting average but probably appropriate for these Desperate Times.

Incidentally, I don’t have a dog.


  1. Kirk »

    6 February 2009 · 3:02 pm

    Why not? The bank already got to Fido?

  2. CGHill »

    6 February 2009 · 9:58 pm

    I have enough trouble taking care of the non-moving life forms around this place.

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