Keister bonnet

Given the fairly-indisputable premise that there is an abundance of asshats in show business, there exists an ongoing debate over whether this is because they’re just naturally attracted to showbiz, or because showbiz, owing to its nature, eventually inspires people to degrees of rectal millinery.

Those of you who got better grades than I will recognize this immediately as the old nature vs. nurture controversy, scaled up to marquee size. In the past I have remained resolutely in the center, acknowledging equal contributions of both.

Now I’m not so sure. In the mail this week was a card with a stylized photo of a blue-eyed child and the caption: “You knew early on that you weren’t like everybody else.”

“So did we,” it continues on the inside, and then it gets right down to the real nitty-gritty:

What is it about owning an Infiniti I30 that sets you apart? Is it recognizing the high level of satisfaction that our vehicles offer? Is it the superb blend of elegance and performance? Is it the inspiration and innovation? No. It’s all of these things. And now, there’s even more.

Introducing a new approach to service: Welcome to the Infiniti Inner Circle.

As an Infiniti owner who understands the advantages of having your car serviced by factory-trained technicians, you’ve been selected to join our inner circle. The Infiniti Inner Circle is designed to remind you when your car is due for maintenance, communicate with you via your preferred means of contact, and work with you to help ensure that your I30 operates at peak performance. Most importantly, we’ll give you the attention an Infiniti owner deserves.

OUR RECORDS INDICATE THAT YOUR VEHICLE IS DUE FOR ITS 93,750 MILE MAINTENANCE DURING THE WEEK OF DECEMBER 11, 2006.

There follows the usual stuff, a card to fill out to indicate my “preferred means of contact,” and the summary: “The Infiniti Inner Circle. It’s exceptional. Just like you.”

And it occurred to me, after I stopped guffawing at this, that a daily dose of sucking up at this level might turn anyone into a veritable fedora of the fundament.

(Disclosure: Gwendolyn has, in fact, 92,497 miles.)





4 comments

  1. triticale - the wheat / rye guy »

    8 December 2006 · 11:20 pm

    Butt Bowler

    Altho he missed at least one, Chaz creatively rings a goodly number of changes on a favored blog insult in commenting upon a particularly assinine bit of commercial correspondance he recieved…

  2. david foster »

    9 December 2006 · 5:21 pm

    This kind of thing has become depressingly common. It’s probably a very effective way of selecting for customers who are egocentric and obnoxious, though why anyone would want egocentric and obnoxious customers is beyond me….

  3. Matthew Porter »

    23 December 2006 · 10:33 am

    Got mine as well last week. Although, I am approaching only 60k miles. It still seems like a significant amount in 3 years.

  4. CGHill »

    23 December 2006 · 10:55 am

    Someone from the dealership called my office voice-mail this past week (I was out, being as how it was 8 pm) and read off a script about that upcoming service. Migod, they’re serious.

    (Still not over the 93k mark, either.)

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