It depends on the woman.

For some, it MIGHT be diamonds (o unlucky man). For others, it might be a hand with doing the housework. For still others, it might be an uninterrupted 4 hours on a Saturday afternoon so she can go and paint with watercolors.

I’m always a bit amused at the quandary over “what women want.” Do women spend lots of time and agony asking “What do men want?” Most of the women I know? They go and they ask him.

To me, Valentine’s Day seems mostly about obligation, or that “get out of jail free card,” or about impressing one’s coworkers/friends. I’ve had coworkers in the past who have (I kid you not) competed with each other over who got the best flowers delivered to them at work.

I was discussing the subject of Valentine’s Day earlier today with friends, and someone argued in defense of the holiday, saying that couples should have a special day that’s just about them, and about their relationship. I say, I have that day. It’s my wedding anniversary. And I don’t have to share it with everyone else. (Well, except for those who also married on July 18th.)

Besides – from what I’ve seen in the past (see competitive coworker story above) Valentine’s Day seems more about everyone else, and not the couple.

“Be your own valentine,” it said.

I hope it also said, “…and then wash your hands.”

A sports commentator (of all people) once remarked something along the lines of: “Guys, here’s the secret: treat the woman in your life with love and respect EVERY day. If it’s first thing in the morning, it’s hectic, she’s trying to get the kids off to school and get ready to work, don’t be all, ‘I have my coffee; I’m good.’ Offer to HELP. That’s what love really is; carrying your share of the burden.”

Something tells me he’s been married a while, and that his wife is happy.

I don’t know. I’m also a little squicked out by one of the messages on the tiny piece of Dove chocolate I had in my lunch: “Be your own valentine,” it said. What’s the fun in that?

Which is (the “not listening”) also the root of all the red-pink-and -cheap-chocolate phenomenon. Along with endless dozen-of-red-roses, plastic keychains and other trinkets, and badly designed diamond necklaces.

It is so much easier to go to a drugstore, buy a cheesy teddy bear in red panties and a syrupy Hallmark card, than to stop and think of something personal to present your favorite girl with. But that requires attention to what she says, the way she dresses, what she’s interested in.

Besides the whole other issue of giving gifts of love on a designated day, as part of an army of unthinking robots.