An elevated perspective
Jeffro uncovers a video of a runway model who can’t cope with her high heels, and wonders about the cost-benefit ratio:
I like seeing a nice set of female legs showcased by high heels as much as the next guy, but I have to wonder about the comfort vs gain equation — does wearing a pair gain “enough” to warrant the discomfort? I had a pair of pretty tall platform shoes in the late seventies with some lift in the heel — and I can guarantee you the concentration level for mere walking was highly increased. Run in those shoes? It is to laugh. The cool thing about those shoes was how much more I towered over people. I’m 6’3″, so I found out what being a few inches taller would be like — if I could only walk without tripping on bird doo on the sidewalk.
There are, says Fetiche Nouvelle, three steps, so to speak, involved in the mastery of this particular art:
- Keep your legs close together.
- Put one foot directly in front of the other.
- Take short steps; don’t be in a hurry!
This is one case where a Meat Loaf-ian two out of three is bad; a failure in any of these areas can result in anything from temporary discomfort to, in the case of the young lady in Jeffro’s video, multiple faceplants.
And I suspect, if only because of the laws of physics, that the higher the heel, the greater the potential for mishap. (Perhaps it’s exponential: a four-inch heel might be sixteen times more likely to give you grief than flats would. I have no actual data on this matter, however.)
fillyjonk »
13 April 2009 · 8:59 am
I haven’t worn heels MUCH (and have never worn 4 inch heels) but the “exponential” idea seems definitely plausible.
I also think, from my experience and observation, that stiletto heels are more hazardous than the standard “pump” heel or wedge heels. But that those “wedgie” shoes – the ones where the toe is elevated as well as the heel (so you might have 1″ of elevation at the toe, and 3″ at the heel) are the most hazardous of all. A couple years ago when those were massively fashionable I saw an awful lot of young woman taking bad falls here on campus. (And it wasn’t like it was a Friday night or anything, either.)
Tatyana »
13 April 2009 · 11:00 am
Fetiche’s rules sound suspiciously like description of a 5yo who can’t wait to get to the bathroom.
In my observation, only bow-legged women need to remember to “keep their legs close” while walking in high heels. I never experienced the necessity. And rule number 2 is equally inapplicable. Number 3, though, I agree with.
It’s all a question of keeping your body balanced on diminished area: half a foot, instead of whole. Some (like ballerinas, dancing en pointe) can achieve more, some less.
fillyjonk »
13 April 2009 · 11:56 am
I wonder if there’s some difference in balance among “toe first” walkers vs. “heel first” walkers. I am a “heel first” walker no matter how hard I try (and no matter how many well-meaning relatives told me in my youth, “You sound like a draft horse coming down the hall!”)
I suspect “toe first” walkers might have an easier time balancing on platforms or other tall shoes.
Tatyana »
13 April 2009 · 1:52 pm
Well-meaning relatives =Universal Evil!
Fetiche Nouvelle »
13 April 2009 · 6:57 pm
Ladies, heels take practice. I’ve only been wearing them for about three years myself. It took several weeks of practice at home before I could wear them in public.
If you buy good, well-made heels, make sure they fit properly before you hand over your credit card, and follow the Three Rules — it does look a little more authoritative when capitalized, doesn’t it? – you’ve gotten past the first hurdle. But you still have to wear them in, practice your preferred gait and pace in them, and generally accustom yourself to them.
If you’re not willing to do those things, stick to flats. There’s no law that says you can’t live your entire life in flats…or sneakers…or Birkenstocks, if that’s your preference. But I’d advise you to avoid the evening-gown section in your favorite boutiques if that’s your choice.
sya »
13 April 2009 · 8:30 pm
I’m always in a hurry, so of course, heels are a bad choice. Besides, they’re horrible for sneaking up on people.
CGHill »
13 April 2009 · 8:37 pm
Or fleeing them in a hurry, I suspect.
fillyjonk »
14 April 2009 · 7:41 am
Yeah, actually, the sneaking up on people part is kind of fun. (Despite being told I “walked like a draft horse” in my youth, I’m actually pretty stealthy, at least in trainers or flats)
The other thing is, if you work in a lab where acids or hazardous chemicals are a fact of life, open shoes are a no-no, and for that matter, expensive leather shoes are probably inadvisable. And I can’t quite bring myself to do something like buying a pair of Crocs to change into for lab-wear.
Tatyana »
14 April 2009 · 8:38 am
FJ and SYA: the sneaking out on people in the office has always annoyed me to no end.
I blame men: they all peer-pressure us into wearing heels, playing our vanity (oh, those “stolen” glances at one’s legs!) – while they themselves are perfectly acceptable shod in flat rubber soles and can care less about wide shoes that make one’s feet ugly.
If I could be permitted to self-quote from a two year-old post:
I had to schlep thru the office to his station.
-I always recognize your steps, -he’d said,- you walk like a marching battalion of Russkies.
[well, d'oh, try to wear something like this noiselessly. On polished parquet.]
Last Tuesday, however, he came over to my desk. His shoes, btw, might as well be made of butter. You could never hear him coming.