Pick me up by the refrigerator box
“Got used prom dresses? Why not donate them to homeless girls all around Marin County?”
David reports seeing that on a poster, and he is not impressed:
[E]ven if there were homeless people in Marin, I doubt any of them are going to prom. You see when your homeless the first thing on your mind isn’t “Oh Crap! I can’t afford a prom dress for prom next week.” It’s something more along the lines of “Oh Crap! I can’t afford food to stay alive till next week.” So maybe we shouldn’t be collecting used prom dresses and instead start collecting donations. Next, and I mean this with no offense to anyone, but when you’re poor chances are you’ve had a little bit of trouble finding a prom date, especially if you’re a girl. Most dudes are shallow and aren’t all lining up to have their shot at taking “Down on her Luck Donna” to prom.
I’d certainly agree that the prom is probably not the highest priority for these folks, but I keep remembering a song I grew up with: “Patches,” sung by Dickey Lee, about a dude, not so shallow perhaps, who fell for a girl from the wrongest possible wrong side of the tracks, only to have the parental units forbid him to venture into that awful place — and despairing, she threw herself in the dirty old river that flows by the coal yards in old Shantytown.
And there is precedent for collecting prom dresses, even. So maybe it’s not quite the waste of time and effort David might think.
Lisa Paul »
20 May 2009 · 4:08 pm
Odd that David, whose bio lists him as living in Marin and as being a rapper, doesn’t know about Marin City which is a town made up of some of the toughest projects in the Bay Area. (Most of the dwellings are old, crumbling jim-crack housing that was put up during WWII to house the influx of shipyard and munitions workers.) This is this rough area that spawned Tupac Shakur.
Yeah, prom dresses aren’t as essential as food. But what’s wrong with letting a girl, who probably sorely needs it, to feel that she’s “princess for a night” or at least let her enjoy one evening of feeling like a normal American kid.
The group has been the recipient of all my old bridesmaid dresses and various “formal” outfits that I no longer wear. I hope some kids enjoyed them. And I hope David, while scoffing at this charity, subscribes to others that meet his clearly higher standards.
McGehee »
20 May 2009 · 4:53 pm
So I check Google Maps for Marin City and the first thing I see on Street View — after the Best Buy — is an Outback Steakhouse.
Unless Google Maps has it in the wrong location (between Sausalito and Tiburon), which is certainly not out of the question, it doesn’t seem all that rough compared to, say, Sacramento’s Oak Park district.
Maybe times have changed and things have been looking up in Marin.
Lisa Paul »
20 May 2009 · 5:38 pm
YOu should know by now to take Google Maps with a big grain of salt. Marin City is nowhere near Tiburon which is on a spit of land across part of the Bay and a world away.
Marin City itself has few, if any retail outlets. The Best Buy and Outback are actually in Sausalito. A large mall, The Gateway Mall, was built there in the 90s, but most of the anchor stores have now left it. If you walked through this small area of Marin, you’ll know immediately when you’ve left Sausalito, Mill Valley or other unincorporated areas of Marin and entered Marin City. Some locals have equated it to walking out of Baghdad’s Green Zone into the unprotected part of the city. Believe me, it’s a tough place although the residents do have some strong community groups trying to better things.
Tatyana »
20 May 2009 · 6:34 pm
But isn’t it better to give your good dresses to a Salvation Army or some consignment store, and let them sell the stuff? Then people who need the bill-money will get them. And those who have $30, can come and buy a prom cocktail dress that used to cost $150.
Things that one can get absolutely free have no value to a person.
That’s what i always thought and every time I clean up my closet (pretty regularly) I bring the bags to the SA store, 3 blocks away.
jen »
20 May 2009 · 8:28 pm
homelessness can happen anywhere and for a variety of reasons. kind of personal, but for several weeks during the summer before sixth grade, my dad made some crazy-bad decisions and we ended up crashing in someone’s apartment for a few weeks then camping out in someone’s camping trailer and then a night or two at the salvation army. during this time, my older sister and her boyfriend (now husband) bought fireworks for the Fourth of July. They came to the backyard where we were practically pitching a tent and we set them off. Really, to a kid, there could be no better setting for that kind of stuff – same dark sky whether rich or poor – same brilliant bursts of color. I felt lucky…I bet at least some of those girls in Marin or wherever do, too.
The worst line in David’s post – “Down on her luck Donna…” But, I admire his passion, even if he’s a bit misguided.
McGehee »
20 May 2009 · 9:55 pm
They’re better than Mapquest, but that’s a low bar to jump. Also, in my area the satellite imagery is about seven years old, while both the downtown core of Atlanta in one direction, and the more rural areas in the other, have been updated within the last couple of years. With what’s changed here even since the nearby updates, the outdated pictures and maps border on the criminal, if not the downright evil.
Which, it being Google, is exactly what one should expect.
Lisa Paul »
20 May 2009 · 9:57 pm
A good friend of mine is a major fundraiser for charities in Marin County and this is one of her favorites. Yes, there are others that provide necessities, but as Jen pointed out, sometimes it’s the little unexpected luxuries that can relieve a bleak situation. The girls who get these dresses could not afford the $30 to buy them at the Salvation Army. My friend’s group sets up a “salon”, hairdressers, manicurists and other professionals donate their time and the girls get to be Princesses for a Day (and a night). Believe me, they appreciate it, even if they didn’t pay for it. (And many of the girls donate back the dresses, even though they aren’t asked to, so someone else can wear them the next year.)
As the song says, “Yes, we march for bread but we march for roses, too”. Everyone needs a little something special once in awhile, especially these girls.
Tatyana »
21 May 2009 · 8:11 am
If she doesn’t have $30 to spend on an evening dress, she can’t afford it. Period. But nobody is so poor, they can’t save a $30 over months for an occasion. I know – I’ve been there. You, Lisa Paul, apparently not.
And to tease somebody to be an “Princess for a Day” without paying for it results in resentment, baseless expectations, girl gangs and Michelle Obama.
With a side effect of limousine liberals tickling their hypocritical smug little souls.
Brett »
21 May 2009 · 9:23 am
“And to tease somebody to be an “Princess for a Day” without paying for it results in resentment, baseless expectations, girl gangs and Michelle Obama.”
Does it result in the ability to use the proper definite article?
Andrea Harris »
21 May 2009 · 9:46 am
I never went to the prom. At the time (late seventies) I considered it a pointless exercise in shallowness where I’d have to wear an uncomfortable dress (remember the itchy, sweaty polyesters of the 70s?) and listen to horrible music (I was a member of the Disco Sucks! brigade), and worst of all, I’d have to socialize with my fellow students. There was a reason I spent most of my high school days with my nose in a book.
Moving on… I’m not sure it’s such a bad thing to give some homeless teenage girl a prom dress. I doubt that this one-time thing will turn her into an entitlement junkie who thinks life’s good things should just fall in her lap. After all, I was raised by parents whose favorite saying was “money doesn’t grow on trees” and expected me to get a job when I graduated high school, and I still wasted too many years waiting for the luck fairies to reward me for my innate excellence. Actually being homeless for a while might have done me some good. I will say that I don’t necessarily value things only on the criteria of whether I have paid good money for them or not. I have a few things that I got for free that I treasure as much or more than things I’ve paid for. A gifted prom dress might have a special meaning to a girl that one she bought herself at the Goodwill (or at the department store) might not have.
Tatyana »
21 May 2009 · 11:00 am
Brett: sorry, I accidentally deleted an adjective that started with a vowel. Of course, I could claim this to be my personal idiolect (as somebody nice suggested once), but my inherent honesty does not permit it. I’ll never be a “minority” politician!
Tatyana »
21 May 2009 · 11:56 am
Andrea: A gifted prom dress might have a special meaning to a girl that one she bought herself at the Goodwill (or at the department store) might not have.
…as well as a dress that a girl paid for herself, at Salvation Army or at Neiman Marcus could mean to her much more than a dress some stranger gave her for free.
I know I treasured for years a simple gold chain necklace I bought out of my first 2 paychecks I ever earned.
And I hated when my relatives gave me clothes as gifts – clothes that suited their taste, and didn’t suit mine at all. Especially second-hand clothes.
Lisa Paul »
21 May 2009 · 12:19 pm
What a harsh Darwinian creed Tatyana lives by. Or maybe she’ll tell us about the charitable work she’s involved in? You know, the kind of charity that keeps the recipients from expecting a free lunch or the kindness of strangers.
I just know from this charity, having been involved with it. And the joy and excitement of these girls is special. I also haven’t seen one girl suddenly slump down on the curb and demand Welfare or join a girl gang as a result of getting a prom dress. In fact, many of the girls react this way:
“This beautiful gown was from The Princess Project – and the best night of my life!! Thank you soooo very much, you guys are the best! I would like to volunteer now that I have graduated, if I can help at all!” – Kristen
People on both sides of the project learn it sometimes takes just a little kindness to start making a difference. No a prom dress doesn’t change the world, but it creates a nice memory for some kids who may have too few of them. If being involved is “tickling my hypocritical smug little soul”, well, guilty. Yup. I got as much out of it as the girls did. So call me selfish. But wouldn’t it be a better world if more people did such “selfish” things?
Tatyana »
23 May 2009 · 9:56 am
It’s not my world is Darwinian, LP, it’s yours that lost ties with reality. Only people from your world think you could go yo Ahmadinejad and <b?talk him out of nuclear war.
Lisa Paul »
23 May 2009 · 11:44 am
Not sure how we got from Marin City to Iran. Maybe you are suggesting that Ahmadinejad needs a prom dress? Which, of course, he should only be given if he can pay cash money for it.
Still waiting to hear how you, Tatyana, are making the world a better place. What better charities should we all be involved with? Which are you participating in? Not part of the solution? You might be part of the problem.
Tatyana »
23 May 2009 · 12:53 pm
Not that I’ve any obligation to answer you self-assumed bossy requests, LP, but I’m sport: if you paid any attention to my previous comments, you would noticed I did mention the way I do my charity. One of them.
As to Ahmadinejad – the connection was not between him and prom dresses – as it is, naturally, is more convenient for you to misinterpret. Again, if you’d paid attention, I was answering to YOUR COMMENT, directly preceding mine.
Problem you talk about is not mine. I see a systemic failure with your world outlook ,ms Paul: the problem of “world poverty”, or “inner city ghettos”, or any number of liberal strawmen (or strawPERSONS would be more PC?) is not people who don’t do charitable donations. It’s the people who rely of charity for their survival. I know I’m going to hit you unconcsious with my next statement, but it is true: GREED IS A GOOD THING. IT MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND.
Lisa Paul »
23 May 2009 · 1:06 pm
Oh dear, not even fair to leave a comment at this point.
Tatyana »
23 May 2009 · 1:48 pm
Why don’t you give away your nice house, garden and the computer you are typing your silly comments on, Lisa Paul? Why are you taking up space on your street, at work, in a concert hall and why are you eating so much food (at least 10 times more than an average Chinese or African peasant), driving a car that uses up so much natural resources? Why are you keeping several closets full of clothes and shoes, let along wearing different pair of underwear every day? All of it not neccesary, strictly speaking, for your survival: iit’s all your vanity and greed. The yarn for your clothes might have come from India, toilet’ parts in one of your 2 (or is it 4?) bathrooms – from Japan, granite of your kitchen counters – from Canada, even plastics and toilet paper in your house – from China. Do you think people in all these countries worked endless hours just to please you? Or did they wanted to get profit and prosper by selling their products to you? Ah, they are all so greedy!
You’re that Ugly American, Lisa Paul, the one your like-minded media screams about, day and night. But for totally different reasons that they usually site.
You’re ugly because of your hypocrisy, your naive 19th century ideals that are suited more to a teenager – ideals that come to conflioct with reality that you, in your cowardly passive-aggressive way, call Darwinian – your near-sighted ideals that you want to force other people to give up their money and fortune for. In your heart of hearts, however loudly you proclaim importance of your education and the “work” you do , deep down you know you don’t deserve a crumb of your daily bread – so you try to compensate this sinking feeling with giving away what you have no use for – and proudly bit your chest: I’m a charitable person! How Victorian of you. [and no, nothing resembling Baroque – they were too close-to earth, too honest to engage in this mental masturbation).
Apologies in advance for typos and bad English grammar.
CGHill »
23 May 2009 · 2:32 pm
My own take on this, for what it’s worth, comes from Mort Sahl: “Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they’ve stolen.”
Incidentally, if you’re wondering whatever happened to Mort Sahl, he’s been lecturing at Claremont McKenna College, and occasionally getting lost.
Tatyana »
23 May 2009 · 2:40 pm
The quote needs to be updated due to to current conditions, to read:
” Liberals feel that conservatives are unworthy of their possessions and deserve to steal every bit of it.”
That is not to say that the question of where exactly Mr. Sahl went voluntarily is unworthy of discussion.
Lisa Paul »
23 May 2009 · 2:43 pm
Oh dear again. Please don’t go postal on us. Is it the voices in your head or are you confusing this conversation with another one?
I think the subject of this post was a local charity that does a little bit of good to girls who are in dire circumstances through no fault of their own. As Jen, an earlier commenter, will attest, the children of the homeless didn’t get there by being lazy or “entitled” or even “not greedy enough”. It’s most often circumstances beyond their control. The girls helped by this particular program are still in school, which shows an effort toward self-betterment by themselves and their parents even in the face of some tough circumstances. True, I donate dresses to them that I “have no use for”, but I also give my time, which I have much use for.
I also don’t think I brought up world charity or aid programs (or Achmadinijad). In fact, I’m pretty adamant about making my charitable donations of time and money LOCALLY. Especially as a response to policies I don’t like. When I had issues with the last administration on the war, education and social services, instead of ranting my hate or sniping at the way Bush’s wife dresses, I volunteered in schools, with veterans groups and at various local charities that I thought were doing a good job in giving people a boost up. With the new administration, I’ve only added to those efforts.
It’s called community service or giving back. Something many of us do because we recognize that we are fortunate, had a bit of luck or got a helping hand from other people along the way. Just paying it forward.
Is it a lot? No, it’s a little. But if a lot of us each did a little in our own communities, I think things would be better all around. Is it selfish? Sure, there’s always self interest involved. I don’t want to be in a community where people are suffering needlessly, where children aren’t getting educated and where veterans are treated to budget cuts and bureaucracy when they return from a war zone.
The difference between us, dear Tat, is that I get off my butt and do something about it, in my own small way, instead of just exercising my jaw bone or cleaning out a closet so that homeless people can then buy those clothes. (At reduced prices, but not for free because that would just turn them into drug addicts and gang members. Especially the high school girls.)
For the record, I buy as little plastic as possible. I don’t have closets full of clothes. I buy 90% of my food from local family farms (or grow it) and drive a Prius. I still burn up more resources than the average impoverished Indian. But again, I continue to try to do my bit. I have no problem with ambition or the desire to get ahead. But having achieved a measure of comfort, I’m conscious that I have an obligation to help someone else along.
Again, I ask you, what are YOU doing to make your community better?
Tatyana »
23 May 2009 · 3:06 pm
Blah. Blah-blah. B;ah again.
All your “getting off your butt” and using “recycled plastics” will not buy you one single indulgence, when the girls you so benevolently make a “Princess for a Day” will believe your hypocritical spiel about “equality”. Not one. You’ll be swinging, dear Lis, along with the most “eloquent” and “accomplished” ones. French revolution, does it say anything to you? Oh, right, it was AFTER Baroque; I expect too much of you.
Incidentally, do you know how much electrical energy is needed to recycle plastics and how much the resulting spray bottle cost, compared to one made of new materials? Do you know that every time you buy produce from local farm, that Chilean strawberry farmer suffers and his children dye from hunger? Are you of the belief that American farmers are more deserving of your money than Chilean ones? That’s downright RACIST!
The only obligation you have, dear Lis, according to your own half-baked primitive liberal theories -if you give yourself a minute to think them through- is to die. Sooner the better . To save poor seals, whales and Earth atmosphere. Less CO2 with your every exhale!
Again, dear Lis, have no right to ask me anything, less than that – to demand I do anything for anybody else, and yet less than that – act “on behalf of community”.
Tatyana »
23 May 2009 · 3:14 pm
And how dare you to judge those girls? How dare you to pat them on the back for engaging in “self-0betterment”? May be it’s you that have to self-better yourself – by not letting in everybody else’s business. Who are you to dispose of advice or evaluation? Somebody whose biggest achievement was studying other people’s thoughts about Baroque and writing emails for scientists?
No, you didn’t bring up Ahmadinejad. I did. You’re not the center of the Earth, you know, and definitely not the center of this conversation. Not the only one entitled to bring any subject you deem relevant – just like you brought in my DARWINIAN world.
Lisa Paul »
23 May 2009 · 3:19 pm
So I take it by your repeated refusal to answer the question that you do nothing to improve your community. Clearly you’d rather just rant than take any positive action. Or perhaps you could illuminate us all on what you think are better solutions?
But I do need to clarify that I don’t buy plastics of any sort, being well aware that recycling of plastics is a partial solution, if that. And my buying locally is for carbon footprint reasons and to support my community which is agricultural. (And for the selfish “greedy” reason that I find Sonoma-grown food fresher and better.)
Unfortunately many of the girls in the prom dress program will be mounting the tumbrel with me as many of them chose to volunteer back with the program after they’ve had their chance.
Tatyana »
23 May 2009 · 3:22 pm
But..but …I just realized: I should save my breath after learning this single fact: you drive a Prius.
Ever wondered why California is in such deep doodoo, energy-wise?
Lisa Paul »
23 May 2009 · 3:24 pm
And still not answering that question. Again, what do you suggest should be done in place of volunteerism, kindness and community-minded actions to better our society? Surely you don’t think taxes and government can fix it all.
So Tatyana, again, what are YOU doing?
Tatyana »
23 May 2009 · 3:53 pm
No, dear Lis (oh, wait, did you stop patronizingly calling me “dear Tat”? if yes, I apologize and will not reciprocate accordingly) – no, Lisa Paul, I don’t volunteer.
What’s more, I am certain nobody has any obligation to “improve his/her community”. Because every work should be paid for. Those that exert free UNPAID labor from others are engaged in exploitation. I learned that after doing unpaid work for years in former Soviet Union. The words “enthusiastic”, “volunteering”, “community service” smack of socialism – and I do know what I amn talking about.
I do much more than you, Lisa Paul, or your charges, to “make this world a better place”: I work . For money. [or “I do when there is work to do, because thanks to your incredibly stupid, economically speaking, liberal Administration, soon we all will be out of work, except government bureaucrats).
I produce real things. Something that benefit hundreds of thousands of people, at once. But I wouldn’t do it if I was not paid.
As one brilliant Russia-Jewish writer, whom oyu haven’t read, said: “Once ancient Phoenicians invented money, all other kinds of appreciation had been radically devalued”.
Tatyana »
23 May 2009 · 3:56 pm
Still, Lisa, seems you can’t understand such a simple concept: you have no right to demand an answer to your questions.
Nobody has an obligation to you.
Tatyana »
23 May 2009 · 4:07 pm
“Volunteering your time” is defeating the purpose. It sends a message that your time has no value. Well, maybe yours doesn’t – mine does. I have an occupation that cost a lot of effort, time, money to achieve and I have accrued work experience that has market value. I will not give it away for free – that would mean I have no sense of self-worth.
I give away material things I have no more use for- but I don’t pretend that I do it to become “a better person”, or to make someone “a princess for a day” – that’d be condescending and immoral. Anyone can fall on a bad times, or happen to be in a place he or she can not support themselves with a skill they know; the way to help these people will be to teach them the skill necessary for survival. But not for free. “Free is only a cheese in a mousetrap”. Shoud I add- a government cheese in an welfare trap?
Lisa Paul »
23 May 2009 · 4:11 pm
So as I expected, you do nothing. And you have no alternative solutions. And apparently not even an hour or two a week to contribute. No, you’d rather complain.
What makes you think I don’t work? I built a business that supported 12 employees at good wages and benefits over many years. During that time, I managed to volunteer in the community. Now that I’ve sold the business and moved on to a personal enterprise, I’ve increased that volunteer work. Which I understand not everyone has the time or ability or luxury to do. But I DO expect people denigrating those efforts to offer some alternative. Either lead, follow or get out of the way.
But I’ll tell the wounded at the Veterans hospital where I volunteer that I can’t be there for them any more because the deep cuts of the Bush administration in Veterans programs don’t provide for any pay for me. God forbid those leeches should get any of my precious time for free.
Should I tell the kids at the school I volunteer in — the school that is laying off teachers because of drastic budget cuts — that I can’t possibly participate because I need to get paid? Why not, it’s the kids’ fault that they aren’t getting the education I was lucky to receive.
And those homeless girls. You are right, they need to pay for my old dresses. And I’ll stop right now with helping to organize that program. Because, damn it, they need to pay me for it.
I always liked Duke Ellington’s eulogy of Louis Armstrong: “He was born poor, he died rich and he never hurt anyone along the way.” I’d like to kick it up a notch and say that, along the way, I helped a few people.
What will your community say about you?
Tatyana »
23 May 2009 · 4:15 pm
There is no “my community”, Lisa Paul. And there is no “your community”.
I don’t give a damn what “my community” says about me.
I know what i say about you, thoug – I already did.
Once again: you are the one that do nothing. Except camouflaging the fact you have no useful profession.
What a parasite.
Lisa Paul »
23 May 2009 · 4:28 pm
I dunno, I’ve always thought wine and olive oil have brought pleasure to many. And now that I’m running a small organic farm with those two products (among others) I feel I’m producing something very tangible. Perhaps much more tangible and important than interior “design” or “decoration” or whatever important thing it is you produce. (At least you might think so if the community fails and we are plunged into anarchy. Those of us who are food producers will be the kings then.)
And surprise, I’m employing people again. So there’s that.
Of course, we won’t talk about my volunteer work, as, being unpaid, it has no value.
I wonder who is the real parasite?
Tatyana »
23 May 2009 · 4:29 pm
You’re one complaining. And you go nagging on other people.
What the hell are you doing in the hospital – are you a medical professional? No? Then get out of the way. Maybe if people like you get out of the hospitals with your sanctimonious “helping”, the hospitals will employ professionals and will compensate them for expert work.
What the hell are you doing in school? Do you have a diploma in pedagogy? No? Then you add to the wide-spread incompetence. Get out of the way. It’s great that school have less money – naybe they finally start doing what they are supposed to do – teaching with less waste of public money. No “social workers” or 5 “guidance councilors” per kid needed.
I don’t know, may be you know what you’re talking about when you talk about yourself- may be YOU were just lucky to receive an education and it’s YOURS life is full of undeserved priviledge. Mine is not. “Community” did nothing to me. All I have, I earn myself.
As those girls should.
You’re such a demagogue…no, not just a demagogue- a dangerous demagogue.
You should be doing community service while LOCKED UP.
Lisa Paul »
23 May 2009 · 4:32 pm
Oh, dear. Must stop now. It’s all been too much fun. [She casts out her line and reels it in one last time.]
Tatyana »
23 May 2009 · 4:35 pm
That’s right. Run, “dear” Forest.
Your “underprivileged” can’t wait to hear from you.