Controlling the engine
I turned this up on Usenet, and it’s at least as ludicrous as some of the Y2K stories that floated around ten years ago. It was found in alt.home.repair.
Since GM has begun their bankruptcy, their cars and trucks are failing quickly. It’s estimated that by the end of the month, no GM vehicles will be running or repairable. The cause is in the engine’s computer controlled ignition system. It’s a little known fact that ever since computer circuits became part of modern vehicles, the manufacturers have been sending out a signal via satellite which monitors and controls these vehicles and adjusts their operation based on instructions generated by their systems which is based on the data received from petroleum refiners, which instructs the engines to function according to changes in fuel refining. This is just part of the picture, because these auto manufacturers also adjust these engine control systems based on location, altitude, and other external conditions, solely based on GPS signals being sent by the vehicle.
With GM in bankruptcy, these signals have ceased to operate. Vehicles are now unable to adjust their systems according to variable fuel and environmental conditions, and are now locked according to the last signal sent by GM prior to the start of the bankruptcy proceedings.
It’s already been determined that in the last few days, GM vehicle gas milage has dropped by ten to thirty percent. Emisions have risen dramatically, and engine output power has dropped significantly.
The result has been, but not limited to engine flooding, poor engine timing, loss of vacuum control, scored cylinder walls, and eventually complete engine failure. It’s just a matter of time before all GM vehicles will fail and become unrepairable. This affects all GM vehicles except those manufactured prior to the use of computerized controls. All GM vehicles still in use who were manufactured prior to the early 1980′s are not affected. All vehicles since then are computerized and will fail within the next few weeks.
Now is the time to consider the effects of being without a vehicle. If you rely on your vehicle to earn a living, or require a vehicle for survival, now is the time to purchase another vehicle manufactured by another company, and send your GM vehicle to the salvage yard before it leaves you stranded, undermines your income, and possibly endangers your life.
James V. Masters
Automotive Engineer
Masters Automotive Engineering Inc.
If you’re concerned about this, a helpful hint: the tinfoil goes between the sunroof and the headliner.
McGehee »
8 June 2009 · 1:42 pm
He’s got it all wrong. The technology to do these things wasn’t incorporated into vehicles until 1996, with OBD-II (they claim OBD stands for “on-board diagnostics,” but it’s really “Our Best Destiny,” almost certainly coined in a convocation of the Bilderbergers, Illuminati, Masons, Templars, Skull & Bones and Knights of Columbus).
Vehicles made between 1980 and 1996 are controlled by manipulating the amount of flouride in the water in the radiator. Don’t these people know anything?
fillyjonk »
8 June 2009 · 2:31 pm
I’m wondering if the guy actually believes what he said or if he’s just “trollin’ for the lulz” on Usenet…trying to get people upset and hissy-fit-y.
I would have suggested wrapping the ENGINE in tinfoil but I see that he’s implying it’s an absence of signal, not “break down” signals being sent, that seem to be causing the problem.
CGHill »
8 June 2009 · 3:00 pm
Given the deadpan tone and the general lack of exclamation points, I figure this is trollage, subcategory “pseudo-expert,” supported by the use of the popular X-No-Archive tag, which means it will disappear as quickly as it appeared, at least from newsgroup servers that honor XNA.
Lynn »
8 June 2009 · 4:49 pm
Or maybe he works for Ford.
Jeffro »
8 June 2009 · 6:16 pm
Dont’ worry, Skynet will step in and fill the void. Soon. Very soon.
Marcel »
8 June 2009 · 7:46 pm
Maybe they could send out some kind of over-ride reset every 108 minutes or so.
unimpressed »
8 June 2009 · 8:21 pm
What’s this? The “new” Y2K?
Brian J. »
8 June 2009 · 8:48 pm
Well, that would certainly get me into a new truck faster than waiting for the security system on my Sonoma that every once and again thinks I’m stealing my own truck and chokes off the fuel to finally get stuck in the “Stop, thief!” mode.
unimpressed »
8 June 2009 · 8:53 pm
OOps. Sorry. I missed your reference the first time through.
robohara »
8 June 2009 · 11:53 pm
My wife thinks I’m nuts but I pulled the fuse that runs the OnStar on my Avalanche after having OnStar operators check on me not once but twice after accidentally hitting the button on the steering wheel. I’m really not a left-or-right-wing wacko but something about a third party being able to track my movements and shut down my car’s engine at will is a bit too Orwellian for my tastes.
Jason »
9 June 2009 · 1:11 am
robohara: Don’t do that, it’s for your own good you know.
“Government Motors knows best.”
Brian J. »
9 June 2009 · 8:55 am
Got a cellphone in your pocket, Robohara?