Strange search-engine queries (176)
“Come Monday,” sang Jimmy Buffett, “it’ll be all right,” but then he never had to sort through 5000 or so visitor-log entries in search of a dozen or so that might actually be marginally amusing.
why does cereal become so soggy: Cardboard and liquid don’t Kix mix.
church of satan toll free number: Trust me, you’ll end up paying for that call.
fun obstacle course for adults in california: Were it not for that tricky word “fun,” I’d have sent you to the DMV.
beautiful amish girls: Black bonnet girls, you make the Amish world go round.
love for sale postgraduate: Beats the hell out of paying for research papers.
maureen dowd 1st lady is a striper and a whore: That seems wholly unfair. We know she can’t wear stripes.
where to get over the line balls: Maybe you can borrow some from Maureen Dowd.
instructions to potions that will make clothes disappear: Oh, hell, you can pull that off with rum and Coke if you know what you’re doing.
polyurethane scuzzbuckets: And they’re recyclable, too.
architectural indigest: This is what happens when HGTV and the Food Network collaborate on TV shows.
pen pal married but looking for more discrete Danville Illinois: Um, that’s “discreet,” and you’ve just blown it.
ktok + the toilet whisperer: This must be the guy who invented the Bowl Championship Series.
McGehee »
15 June 2009 · 8:06 am
Sounds like a quick way to pay off those student loans, to me.
fillyjonk »
15 June 2009 · 10:48 am
Funny, the only offers like that I’ve ever gotten have been to get a Ph.D. “With no studies and no classes!”
Lisa Paul »
15 June 2009 · 11:33 am
You’ll have to cross the DMV off the list of adult obstacle courses in California. They’ve come up with a simple concept: the appointment. It gets you in and out in five minutes.
A more appropriate adult obstacle course in California would be voting. We’ve gone proposition and special measure crazy, so our voter pamphlets now weight 8 pounds. If you aren’t athletic enough, you risk a hernia just walking to your polling place.
McGehee »
15 June 2009 · 1:42 pm
Gotta love California. Paying all that money for a full-time Legislature and still most lawmaking is out-sourced to initiative writers.
CGHill »
15 June 2009 · 1:59 pm
Actually, I’m rather perplexed with myself, since I know perfectly well the CA DMV takes appointments; I had one the day I got my California license back in ’88. I must not have remembered the day favorably, though I did pass the test in one of the dozen or so languages offered. (Yes, buoys and gulls, I was, briefly, a resident of the Bear Flag State.)
Lisa Paul »
15 June 2009 · 6:20 pm
Well, it took a few years for most of us to get wise that when an earnest young person accosted us outside a grocery store and asked us to “sign a petition to ask the state government to improve daycare facilities” that our simple signature was going to put another proposition on the ballot. There’s a huge backlash brewing.
After all, if I’m paying salaries to these guys in Sact’o or Washington, the job I want them to do is voting on all these millions of issues. Then I can spend my one vote, every two years to put in place the people that I think are voting responsibly.
Besides, even with a masters degree, who can figure out these things. Vote no, to say yes. Vote yes, to ban. I swear on the last ballot, I actually saw a place where I could vote for an American Idol winner.
Lisa Paul »
15 June 2009 · 6:22 pm
By the way, Chaz, we just celebrated the 163rd anniversary of the Bear Flag Revolt in Sonoma. I went, but found it disappointingly short of drunken miners. Which an authentic celebration would have had.
McGehee »
15 June 2009 · 9:16 pm
It was challenging even 15 years ago, the last time I had to bother with it. But from those votes I learned a lesson that has served me well ever since: If I don’t understand it, ain’t no way I’m voting Yes on it. Don’t tell me Joe Celebrity or Felicia Facelift supports it, because what the @#$!! do they know about anything?
(Though, the two celebs I most blame for being wrong about initiatives from those days, Jack Lemmon and Angela Lansbury, were pushing No votes I disagreed with — though to be fair I think those would have failed anyway had most people used my very own Rule of “I Don’t Understand It.”)
Still, those petitions wouldn’t be anywhere near so popular if the legislators were doing the job they’re obscenely overpaid for. If Californians aren’t getting a satisfactory return on their investment from the Lege, they should revert it to part-time.
Betcha the initiatives would ratchet down fairly soon afterward.
McGehee »
15 June 2009 · 9:17 pm
…though admittedly, I did not then, nor do I now, have a master’s degree.