Plan 1 from Bentonville
Part of the assimilation process, if you’re working for a certain big-box retailer, is the process called “Orientation,” and LeeAnn tells you what you’d see if you were there:
The first was about unions, or as they like to call them in the video “UNIONS! OMFG! OMFGZOMBIEPONIES!UNIONS!” It was very informative and educational. Did you know unions exist only to take every penny you make and use it to fund the drug cartels? Did you know they eat babies and blame it on Baptists? Did you know they want to enlist your innocent children in fetish-based prostitution and sub-par dishtowel sales? Did you? DID YOU? Well, now you do, and so do I, thanks to the high-quality
propagandamedia that the corporation felt it should siphon thousands of dollars that might have been wasted on employee pay to produce this Ed Wood masterpiece. I am proud to say I wasn’t even tempted to fall asleep because, due to the blatant over-the-edge tone of the whole thing, I kept waiting for the punchline. Or at least for Quentin Tarantino to pop up like a razor-chinned jack-in-the-box and tell us where he’d hidden Jimmy Hoffa and what the bloody hell was in the glowing suitcase from Pulp Fiction.
The latter, I’m guessing, is the All-Inclusive Key to Chinese Industry (Reg. U.S. Pat. Off.)
Incidentally, I buy my dishtowels at Target. They’re up to par.
McGehee »
14 November 2009 · 10:46 am
Far as I’m concerned, a labor union is just another multinational corporation.
McGehee »
14 November 2009 · 10:47 am
…without the anti-monopoly restrictions the gummint enforces against all the others.
fillyjonk »
14 November 2009 · 2:43 pm
All I know about Wal-Mart employee practices are the semi-creepy hand-clapping, self-cheering “circles” they seem to do first thing Saturday morning, presumably to rev themselves up for the day.
I hope I never work at a job where I have to start every day by participating in a pep rally.
I’d totally shop at Target instead if it didn’t mean an hour’s round trip to get to the nearest one. (Though I wonder if their employee practices are much better)
Andrea Harris »
14 November 2009 · 7:18 pm
Huh. When I was hired on at the Mart of Wal last year (before I moved out of Florida forever and ever — and I only worked at Walmart two days because I got another job, which a month later let me go, but then I got another job, which I at least had for four months before I was replaced by someone who knew all about cabinet design but couldn’t operate a PC, and then I was on unemployment for several months, and then I decided to leave Florida forever and ever…)
Anyway, when I was at Walmart for two whole days I don’t remember anything like that in the super-cheery, kid-table-games-based orientation. But then Florida doesn’t have a huge union presence.