Plan 2 from Bentonville
You have to figure that there has to be something bothering retail management besides them bad ol’ unions, and sure enough, there is:
One of the videos during “Orientation” concerned that litigious devil, “Sexual Harassment.”
Did you know that just by having a vagina, all you females out there are guilty of sexual harassment? Did you know that you males of the species, just by continuing to breathe, are equally as guilty? Did you know the Pope himself is guilty on a daily basis of it as well? Did you know that by using the pronoun “him” to speak of the Pope in the previous sentence I am sexually harassing you?
Do you feel the need to smoke a post-coital cigarette or have a nap now? Then my work here is done.
If you aspire not to talk to coworkers, this is the environment for you:
Basically, in the Gospel According to Sam, if I ever touch another employee other than a firm but non-aggressive handshake, I am a pervert. If I compliment another employee in any way, I am a pervert. If I look at another employee, I am a pervert. If I tell any joke above a third-grade level, I am a pervert and will never make it on Star Search.
I dunno about that last bit: a lot of perverts competed on Star Search.
fillyjonk »
20 November 2009 · 7:18 am
Huh. I thought only college campuses had gone that far.
Once, in grad school, I was all dressed up (giving a presentation that day) rather than the usual jeans/sweatshirts I wore back then. One of the guys in the department was walking down the hall, saw me, and said, “Wow, you look nice today!” and then immediately clapped his hands over his mouth and apologized.
I had a short discussion with him about how not all compliments constitute sexual harassment, regardless of what he’d been scared into at TA orientation. (I wonder if that’s why I feel like I’m laboring in a total vacuum some days – everyone on campuses have been so terrified that seeming anything other than absolutely neutral towards a female might get them called up on charges. It’s sad, it’s REALLY sad.)
Brian J. »
20 November 2009 · 9:53 am
At the last training bit I attended, I was particularly afeared when I discovered that, as a level boss, I could be on the hook for actual damages if someone in my gang was guilty of sexual harassment.
It scared me, but it didn’t scare all the other level bosses, who continued to rendezvous with their underlings in corners of the basement.
Mike Pechar »
21 November 2009 · 7:03 am
Refresh my memory. Wasn’t there a pervert who was arrested after appearing on Star Search?