Patterico recommends Michael J. O’Gara for Office No. 94 of the Los Angeles Superior Court:

You must vote for Mike O’Gara in this election or I will ban you from my blog. ‘Nuff said.

Emphasis as in the original.

I haven’t lived under the jurisdiction of the Los Angeles Superior Court in twenty years, but what the hell. Maybe I’ll have a deceased friend in Chicago cast a ballot on my behalf.

The Dodge Journey, in case you haven’t seen it, is Chrysler’s first so-called “crossover” vehicle: it’s built on the Sebring/Avenger platform, which means it’s really a car, sort of. But it’s been cartooned up with SUV-ish looks, because everyone knows that minivans (like Dodge’s own Caravan, which pretty much defined the minivan concept) are horrid transpo-boxes suitable only for soccer moms with taxi duty.

If you think that description is vaguely (or not vaguely) sexist, have a peek at this.

And no, it’s not a joke:

Googling led us to a Dodge press release posted on a Belgian media portal. The car is being targeted toward men, and its launch slogan roughly translates to “Become a father, stay a man.” According to the PR, Dodge suggests that “everyone try out the back seat of the Dodge Journey in a little unorthodox manner.” Well, that’s one way of getting folks to look past Chrysler’s lamentable interiors. People whose “backseat trial” is successful and subsequently produce a newborn child 9 months after the car’s launch weekend have a chance to win themselves a new Dodge Journey, and the baby’s picture will be posted to the website.

Come to think of it, Harry and Sue in “Taxi” “learned about love in the back of a Dodge”. Their lesson, however, didn’t go that far.

Now if somebody tries this in a Subaru, well, that’s a whole different story.

Humongous middle-of-page rotating banner at NewsOK today: “What does it take to fire a public school teacher in Oklahoma?”

How about, oh, evidence that the teacher in question approved of syntax like “View the list of Oklahoma teacher’s with revoked licenses since 2003,” as seen in a NewsOK rotating banner?

The Car and Driver annual 10Best issue always comes up with something a tad askew, and this past year’s version came up with a photo of Nicole Nason, head of the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, which they captioned: RILF ALERT. I thought this was a bit over the top, and said so here; what’s more, it earned C/D the seldom-coveted 2008 Chaz Award for Worst Automotive Remark.

The magazine published a couple of complaints in its letters section, and those complaints have now drawn their own complaints, one of which went like this:

I happen to know that women, all women (although some won’t admit it), aspire to MILF, GILF, RILF, and any other type of “ILF” designation there is. They brag about it to each other at their bunco parties. It is one of the highest compliments we can give them, and who among us doesn’t want to be desirable?

If I remember Philosophy 102 correctly, a single (that is to say, one) counterexample is enough to dispatch that “all” business. My understanding of women is somewhere between marginal and nonexistent, and I’ve never been invited to a bunco party, but I suspect they won’t buy this bit either:

The women who claim we’re “objectifying” them usually aren’t ILF material.

At least this time he said “usually.”

Like seemingly every other news site in this end of the galaxy, BBC News has introduced an online video player. Unlike seemingly every other news site in this end of the galaxy, the volume control on the BBC News online video player goes to 11.

It’s like, how much more loud could it be? The answer is none.

Another week, another set of referrer-log droppings. After a while you get used to it.

ingenuity+persuasion=me:   Is this a profile from one of those dating sites?

pictures of condoleezza rice getting pedicure:  Sorry, can’t help you. Have you asked Scott McClellan?

jobs not enough to live on:  Which, these days, seems like most of them.

sharon resultan fake sex fantasy:  This must be the one where Jim Cantore shows up in a trenchcoat with no pants.

what smells attract men:  Beer, women, and more beer.

girl tries on invisible clothes:  At least they won’t make her butt look big.

women who change into animals and furniture in evil magical latex clothes:  After all that, merely invisible seems easy.

“average number of dates per month”:  Some of us are averaging around zero.

“electric chair” “rectum”:  Well, first it shocked ‘em.

How Much Money Will It Cost to Drill in Alaska:  Lots. How much will it cost if we don’t?

osha determined that one third of the falls incurred by women are due to wearing high heels, which make falls more likely:  And summers more entertaining.

cox can’t watch wheel of fortune in HD:  This is because the HDTV upconversion process makes the wheel into an ellipse, which is much harder to turn.

jeffrey dahmer’s toyota celica:  Do yourself a favor and don’t look in the cupholder.

Thursday at 8 am, the Mayfair Heights Neighborhood Association will begin conducting a massive (we hope) garage sale east of May on NW 43rd. Anything left will be sold Friday and Saturday, and proceeds go into the Association’s treasury, which could use it.

Here’s the flyer in PDF format. (I’ve already handed out a bunch of these in person.)

What I found fascinating about Yves Saint Laurent, who died Sunday in Paris at 71, is not so much his couture house, which was acquired by Gucci in 1999, but the steps that led to the establishment of that house in the first place.

In 1954, Saint Laurent was hired by the house of Christian Dior, and when Dior himself died three years later, Saint Laurent assumed control of Dior, not at all an uncomfortable position to be in.

But in 1960, Saint Laurent was drafted: he was shipped to Algeria, where a guerrilla war for independence from the French had been going on for years. Although the land was familiar to him — in fact, he’d been born in Oran, on Algeria’s Mediterranean coast — he wouldn’t be there long: after less than a month, he suffered a nervous breakdown and was returned to France for treatment.

Dior, meanwhile, had replaced Saint Laurent with Marc Bohan; Saint Laurent, believing that his job would have been held for him, sued Dior for breach of contract. The French courts upheld the suit, and Saint Laurent set up a rival couture house, which would bear his name. The business side of YSL was handled by Pierre Bergé, then Saint Laurent’s romantic partner; after they broke up in 1976, Bergé continued to look after the business. (Everyone’s ex should be so understanding.)

At his retirement in 2002, Saint Laurent observed:

I participated in the transformation of my era. I did it with clothes, which is surely less important than music, architecture, painting … but whatever it’s worth, I did it.

The YSL ready-to-wear line continues, under Gucci management; Stefano Pilati oversees design.

(With thanks to James Joyner.)

On the 22nd of May, Stan Lybarger and Mike Neal, Chairman and CEO respectively of the Tulsa Metro Chamber, sent letters to the members of Tulsa’s City Council, asking them to postpone a July vote on a new street-funding proposal. Some of what they said:

The Chamber and our volunteer leadership are very concerned the City Council is rushing to develop a package for a July special election. We believe crucial steps are being overlooked that could possibly jeopardize the initiative.

Voters are eager for a streets package, but we cannot assume voters will blindly approve any package because of the “fix our streets first” mentality. When confronted with the actual cost and the details; [sic] support can quickly evaporate.

This translates roughly as “We want more input into the final package, and you guys are rushing us.”

The reply by Ward 5′s Bill Martinson is a classic of its kind. Excerpts therefrom:

Setting aside the condescending tone of your letter for a moment, it conveyed a serious lack of understanding as to the development and status of the Council’s proposal to fix Tulsa’s streets. The process has spanned eight months. In addition to holding more than two dozen fact finding meetings, which included hearing from both external and in-house experts, we conducted town hall meetings for all districts. All of these meetings were public and posted in advance. You and your staff were welcome to attend, and had you done so, I believe you would have found the meetings most informative.

Your contempt for Tulsa’s City Council was apparent in your comments. To assume that the Council and City staff would advance an initiative of this magnitude to the voters and ignore fundamental due diligence and statutory requirements is arrogant and absurd.

The election would have been held on the 29th of July, the same date as the state’s primary election, a date chosen because it’s obviously less expensive to hold one election with multiple purposes than to hold two separate elections.

Further, Martinson questions the Tulsa Chamber’s priorities:

Congratulations on your success in Oklahoma City to secure $25 million in funding for low water dams on the river. I believe we all support river development and welcome the day when you feel the same passion to convince the Tulsa delegation to support our transportation system. The conditions of our area highways, which are maintained by ODOT, rival those of our City streets. Also, returning tax dollars to Tulsa, and other area communities for that matter, would help us address our street needs.

The Chamber appears fixated on glamour and glitz to enhance economic development. You may understand these needs better than I, but I believe the condition of streets and right of ways say much about a community. If a city fails to consider basic infrastructure a priority, one must question the degree of civic pride.

Which I reprint here because down here in the 405 we’re not exactly immune to glamour and/or glitz either.

Michael Bates is following this story. The next step, I’m guessing, will be an editorial in the Tulsa World calling for the special election to be delayed, for God knows what sort of reason.

The Treasury’s “economic stimulus” becomes a finder’s fee:

Why I am doing this? I’ve tried the ‘tried-and-true-ways’ to meet someone and figured I’d network and offer a financial incentive for people to refer their female friends to me.

How does this work? Well, just mail me a note about your friend/relative with a link to their picture (or their myspace page) and I’ll do the rest. Or you can invite me to have coffee (preferably in L.A., although I will be in SF May 10-12) with the two of you. If I date your friend for at least 6 months, the $600 is yours.

Wanna contact me directly and date me yourself? After 6 months, the $600 GOES TO A CHARITY OF YOUR CHOICE.

Why $600? The IRS is giving out $600 Economic Stimulus Payments — I’m rolling mine into a Romantic Stimulus Payment.

What’s this guy like, anyway?

Almost 38 y.o. (looks 27), 5’7, Jewish (non-practicing), has a Tom Cruise+Jason Schwartzman-ish look, trim, business owner, very creative, very funny, college grad, East Coast-y, well-dressed, well-read, reasonably neat, into film, comedy, cooking and baking, good stories, obscure rock bands, photography, books, L.A. resident looking for a LTR.

Picture at that same link. Here’s whom he hopes to find:

Female (20′s-40′s), any height, any religion, non-smoker, LA or SF area resident (or willing to visit often/consider relocating), indoorsy (i.e. museums as opposed to mountains), warm, affectionate, an Abby to my Ira (hey, I just rented it). Someone who likes guys like me.

I’ve seen worse ideas. In fact, I’ve had worse ideas, on those rare occasions when I had ideas at all.

(Seen at The Tygrrrr Express.)

Bo Diddley, that is. And if there’s any truth to the old truism that rock and roll is a hybrid of R&B and country, this is the man who made it so: a bluesman par excellence, he developed his signature beat while trying to come up with a suitably-bluesy version of a Gene Autry tune. The Bo Diddley beat debuted in a song called, of all things, “Bo Diddley,” which the man waxed in 1955; it’s still around today.

(For a couple of examples, your attention is directed to “When the Lovelight Comes Shining Through His Eyes,” the Supremes’ first Top 40 hit, and “Desire,” off U2′s Rattle and Hum album. Twenty-five years apart, and still easily recognizable as Diddley’s children.)

Diddley’s own compositions landed at an odd angle to the rest of the rock and rhythm universe. “Say Man,” his only single to reach high on the pop charts, wasn’t a song at all: it’s a two-sided dis, a straightforward yet hilarious version of the dozens, Bo and Jerome Green swapping insults as old as the hills and enjoying it no end. (“I already figured out what you is. You that thing I throw peanuts at!”) It stops short of “Yo mama,” but only just.

Bo died today at his home in Archer, Florida; he was seventy-nine. That one hambone beat, though, is pretty much eternal.

It happened just this way:

A computerized spell-checker run amok christened several Pennsylvania high school students with new — and in some cases unflattering — last names.

Middletown Area High School’s yearbook listed Max Zupanovic as “Max Supernova,” Kathy Carbaugh as “Kathy Airbag” and Alessandra Ippolito as “Alexandria Impolite,” just to name a few.

“It was kind of funny, but kind of rude at the same time,” Ippolito said.

Or, um, impolite.

The mistakes were found on only four of the yearbook’s 176 pages — those that featured the band, chorus and student council, coeditor Amanita Gumball Amanda Gummo said.

Eb Patsy Ed Patrick of Trailer Plumbing Taylor Publishing, which printed the book, said his company takes responsibility for the errors and will provide free stickers printed with the correct names.

There, I fixed it for them.

(Via Frak Fark.)

Crocs’ YOU line offers “unique practicality through intelligent, fashion forward design, solving women’s fashion vs. comfort dilemma by intersecting the two.” Nice work if you can get it, right? This example is called “Venice,” and it’s a decent Mary Jane slingback with a three-inch stacked heel. (Been a long time since I’ve seen a stacked heel.) The heel strap is elasticized, which may or may not be a boon, and the buckle adjusts, so they have at least part of the “comfort” angle covered. The price tag, however, is very un-Crocs-like: $175.

Perhaps with this very green color in mind, Crocs has been Astroturfing this line, and got caught at it. Now that’s “unique practicality.”

Okay, I knew Andrew Rice was running for Senate, but he’s a Democrat, and the unwritten law among Republicans has been “You don’t mess around with Jim.”

Well, Jim is being messed around with: on the first day of filing, Senator Inhofe drew two Republican challengers. As a practical matter, neither Baptist minister Dennis Lopez, from the metropolis of Thackerville, nor frequent filer Evelyn Rogers, a Tulsa librarian, is likely to make much of a tug on Inhofe’s cape. Still, the fact that he’s getting GOP challengers at all is somewhat heartening.

Elsewhere: Dana Orwig, who ran against incumbent Trebor Worthen last time in House District 87, is trying again, what with Worthen deciding not to seek a third term. She’ll face Jason Nelson, a political consultant who served as legislative liaison during Frank Keating’s second term as governor. If you’re new here, I bring up District 87 because I live there.

And for District 84 watchers, Ron Marlett made it official: he is running against Sally Kern. (Aside: I had no idea Sally Kern had a Wikipedia page.)

The State Board of Elections is posting candidate filings here; the filing period ends Wednesday.

Update, Wednesday: A second Republican has entered the District 87 race. Andrew Winningham is twenty-four, which makes him even younger than Worthen, and he was last seen at a Ron Paul meetup. And Winningham isn’t even close to being the youngest person on this year’s primary ballot.

Andrew Coyne is liveblogging for Maclean’s at their trial in Marsupial Court before the British Columbia Human Rights Tribunal, and this item (1:36 pm Monday) seems to sum up the whole sordid affair:

The chair is reading their “ruling” on the admissibility of Prof. John Miller’s testimony — though on what basis they propose to decide is a mystery, since THERE ARE NO RULES OF EVIDENCE. They more or less have to make it up as they go along.

Anyway, they are ruling it inadmissible, because it’s irrelevant. Or is it irrelevant because it’s inadmissible?

Pertinent observation by Ezra Levant: “[Al] Sharpton would make a killing up here.”

No, that’s not a prediction: it’s the modus operandi of Outloud Opinion, a podcasting site that packages columnists from the Creators Syndicate stable and editorials from Investor’s Business Daily into handy downloadable audio files, which can be accessed directly from their Web site or via subscription through iTunes or Juice or whatever. Better still, the columns are read by their staff of professional readers rather than by the actual writers, a boon if you’ve ever heard Pat Buchanan bubbling up into Foamy Mode, though I admit it’s a bit offputting, at least at first, to hear Michelle Malkin’s words enunciated by a baritone. If you’re fans of IBD or of the Creative columnists, and you have time to listen but no time to read, Outloud Opinion might be just what you’re looking for.

Disclosure: Someone on their staff has apparently actually taken a look at some of my stuff; charitable soul that he is, he has generously refrained from reading it into your iPod.

If you’re going to dispute a charge to your credit card, as is your right under the law, it would behoove you first to ascertain if that card actually was charged in the first place. If it was not charged, how likely do you think it is that you’re going to get any money back?

(Yes, we’re beset by complete and utter morons. Hanging is entirely too good for some of them.)

Here’s one:

I don’t mind lack of tax deductions for rent as much as I mind paying for other people (and the huge payouts to La Raza in this bill make me wonder about just who these people are…) to live large beyond their means while I live in a couple of shabby rooms in a newly crime-ridden neighborhood waiting for my credit score to improve.

If you know the government is going to pay your mortgage to keep you in your home, why bother to make a single payment? Why am I not posting this from a Colonial with a three-car garage in Cedarburg??

And another:

I guess it boils down to this — if a group, no matter how small a fraction of the population screams loud enough or makes a good enough victim, it seems our government is more than happy to pander to them. And this isn’t a partisan issue either — it happens recklessly and frequently on all sides of the political spectrum and personally, I think it boils down to buying votes. Which in a word, sucks.

I think we may have a 14th Amendment issue here: obviously they’re paying more for some votes than for others, which would seem to violate the equal-protection clause.

The Truth About Cars is reporting that GM has decided to abandon the Hummer brand:

While not “official,” GM told its field teams that all corporate investment in HUMMER has ceased. No refreshes. No new models. And no more marketing support. The decision pulls the plug from 171 HUMMER franchisees, including 71 standalone dealers.

Maybe they can sell it to the Indians.

Update, 6 June: And they just might.

You read it here first in September 2004:

Tropos Networks has built a number of Wi-Fi systems for public-safety use, but they’ve never tried anything this big: a wireless network for the city of Oklahoma City, 600-plus square miles of spectacularly-irregular polygon.

The new network, which should be fully operational by the end of next year, will cost around $5 million. And no, there will be no public-access hot spots, at least at first.

For “by the end of next year,” read halfway through 2008:

The City of Oklahoma City unveiled its wireless network — the largest city owned and operated municipal Wi-Fi mesh network in the world — Tuesday, June 3.

The network is used for public safety and other City operations. At this time it does not provide wireless Internet access to the public.

Tropos Networks president and CEO Tom Ayers presented a plaque to the Mayor and City Council recognizing the City of Oklahoma City for successfully building and implementing the world’s largest municipal wireless broadband network. Tropos Networks provides the network infrastructure equipment.

The wireless mesh network covers an unprecedented 555 square-mile area with 95 percent service coverage in the city’s core. Wireless Tropos routers are installed on City siren towers, traffic lights, buildings and other places. Tropos’ mobile routers are mounted in City vehicles, extending the network coverage area.

I’m impressed nonetheless, especially since the cost reportedly came in right around the projected $5 million.

Public-safety applications of the new network:

Police officers are equipped with a laptop in patrol cars that gives them better access to advance criminal information in real time and allows them to download photos, file reports and even do paperwork in the field. In addition, police officers and fire fighters have access to over 300 video cameras, giving them a real time, around-the-clock, birds-eye view of key locations throughout the city.

Fire battalion chiefs are now able to locate water hydrants, review site maps, building floor plans and hazardous materials information while en route to a fire or accident, enabling them to tell incoming response vehicles how and where to set up.

I’m just wondering where the 50-square-mile (more or less) “dead zone” is.

I snagged this ad while looking up a Whois at Network Solutions:

Do you know when your domain expires? Somebody does.

United Airlines, in an effort to cut costs, will ground 70 aircraft and shut down the low-fare Ted mini-airline.

One consultant was never impressed by Ted in the first place:

“Ted was never anything other than a different paint job,” consultant [Michael] Boyd said yesterday in an interview. The unit didn’t have lower fares or costs, and “it has lost tens and tens of millions of dollars.”

(Via Consumerist.)

Whataburger World Headquarters is barely a mile and a half from my (brief) childhood home in Corpus Christi, Texas, the only place I lived as a kid that I haven’t since revisited.

I think I’ve finally found an excuse for a road trip.

You may remember this from last month:

Close to nine in 10 women (88 percent) say they’d rather chat up someone with the latest fuel-efficient car versus the latest sports car.

Fortunately, there’s one out of ten:

If I had to choose between a man who drove a Prius and a man who, say, just signed the lease to a brand new, 4.2 liter, V8 2008 Audi R8, I’m going to pick the Audi R8 every time, as is every other woman on the face of the planet, except those crunchy ones that carry around copies of the Little Red Book in their organic hip pouches, and trust me, while those ladies might be a little … easier … in the long run, you’ll like me better. You might be more interesting to talk to a cocktail party, environmentally conscious automobile owners, but you can’t do 0 to 60 in 4.2 seconds.

Of course, if I could afford to lease a car that sells for half again as much as I paid for my house — well, I’m sure she’s worth it, but damn.

“Dependency,” said John Dewey, “denotes a power rather than a weakness. There is always the danger that increased personal independence will decrease the social capacity of an individual.”

Got that? That’s the baseline. Now mix with pure Marxist contempt for the bourgeoisie, and here’s what you get:

Children should no longer be taught traditional subjects at school because they are “middle-class” creations, a Government adviser will claim today.

Professor John White, who contributed to a controversial shake-up of the secondary curriculum, believes lessons should instead cover a series of personal skills.

Pupils would no longer study history, geography and science but learn skills such as energy-saving and civic responsibility through projects and themes.

He will outline his theories at a conference today staged by London’s Institute of Education — to which he is affiliated — to mark the 20th anniversary of the national curriculum.

This being a Daily Mail report, I decided it might be prudent to look for an additional source. Says the Guardian:

The subject-based curriculum stems from 18th century religious communities and academic learning has become the mark of a well-heeled middle class, White will say.

“In 1988 a traditional subject-based curriculum was imposed by the Conservative education secretary with no rationale given for it. This has alienated many youngsters, especially from disadvantaged backgrounds,” he will warn.

White will also argue that control of the school curriculum should be taken away from politicians and passed to an independent education commission protected from “government interference”.

“We need a way of ensuring that the school curriculum is kept at arm’s length from individual politicians’ idiosyncratic preferences,” he will say.

As though only politicians had idiosyncrasies.

The Guardian interviewed White two years ago, at which time he said this:

“If education is about helping people to lead happy, flourishing lives, then schooling should be focused on enabling children to meet their basic needs of health and food, as well as equipping them to find interesting work and form lasting relationships. The curriculum should flow from this, rather than vice versa.”

Pained as I am to say this, “interesting work” is more the exception than the rule, which suggests that it might not be a bad idea to learn those tedious middle-class subjects, in case following one’s dreams proves to be not merely uneconomical but downright foolhardy. Then again, I’m one of those old-school types: you want to be happy and flourish, fine, but you’re gonna finish your homework first.

I showed the Daily Mail piece to Trini, and she said, “That’s it. I’m homeschooling my kids.”

A freshly-hatched (still had the paper tag) smart fortwo was parallel-parked at the Gazette office yesterday afternoon. The driver sensibly set the tiny car in the middle of the space, leaving about a quarter of it vacant on either side and making the space look a lot bigger than it does when it’s accommodating something like, say, my car.

I went from there to Target, and wondered as I pulled in just how a smart should park in a lot like that. It seems to me that parking as the rest of us do, pulling up to just short of the line that divides this row from the next, is not a good idea, because some schmuck, gleeful at finding an “empty” space, is going to plow right into the poor little boîte’s rear end. It seems, therefore, that the driver of the smart should attempt to align her rear bumper with the rear bumpers of adjacent vehicles, leaving no doubt that the space is occupied.

This would also apply, if perhaps with less urgency, to drivers of other wee cars. (I’m thinking specifically of the Mini Cooper that pulled in next to me in the Target lot that day.)

The Hotel Preston is a boutique inn, south of I-40 on Briley Parkway in Nashville, “5 minutes from most everything.” As you might expect from a hotel with a bar called the Pink Slip, things are just slightly out of kilter, and, I’d bet, for the better of it.

For this weekend’s CMA Music Festival, the Preston is offering a special Redneck Package: your room comes with a complimentary sack of pork rinds and a six-pack of PBR. In-room snacks include local favorites like Goo Goo Clusters, Moon Pies and RC Cola.

Can’t make the CMA? The Redneck Package is available by reservation through October.

(Via Fark.)

Lynn tends to resist “chick flicks”:

I am about 80 percent with the guys on the topic of chick flicks. Only 80 percent because there are a lot of guys who are real jerks about it, dismissing practically any movie that isn’t all about cars and guns as a “chick flick” without considering actual quality. A good movie can be about anything. What I hate about typical “romantic” movies is that the women in most of them are stupid and annoying. I can’t identify with them at all. And the dying thing … why are movies in which the woman dies so popular? Maybe because death precludes the inevitable. Let’s be honest: if the girl in Love Story had lived another two or three years that couple would have ended up as bitter divorcees.

“What can you say about a twenty-eight-year-old girl who sued me for half of everything I own?”

And the perennial emphasis on young pretty people causes its own disconnect:

You know what’s really romantic? Two people getting married, living an ordinary life and growing old together. Two ninety+ year olds holding hands — that’s romantic. But that doesn’t play well at the box office.

Occasionally, though, it makes a decent song. Cue the Debster:

Sitting at the table tonight
You look so beautiful in the candlelight
And looking at her, looking at him
After fifty years

I pictured you and I and candlelight
And we would look so beautiful
And two young kids
Would be wishing they were us

I used to be one of those kids. I think. But hope can take only so much dashing.

I am now in receipt of the final bill for my brief trip to the ER back in April, and I noticed this blurb on the back:

For patients without insurance coverage, we are pleased to offer a 45% discount if the account balance is paid in full within 60 days from the date of service.

This excludes fertility treatments, but I didn’t get them, and anyway fertility is just about the last thing I need.

So I did the math, as I often do, and had I been uninsured, they’d have settled my $3183 bill for $1751. As it happens, the actual amount they’re getting, insurance plus my check, is $1785.

At least we now have an idea of what the care is really worth. Maybe.

I figured you didn’t like sharing power in the Senate with the GOP — a 24-24 tie tends not to be a source of comfort — but geez, guys, the Republicans have 13 seats on the ballot in 2008, and you’re only going after five of them?

And yes, this works both ways. Michael Bates noted on Wednesday afternoon:

We’re now five hours away from the close of Oklahoma’s filing period for the 2008 elections, and I’m still seeing way too many seats with unchallenged Democrats.

(First person to ask me why I didn’t file to run — apart from Trini, who already did ask — will be requested to identify what in the world s/he is smoking.)

It’s Venomous Kate versus the Woodchucks, and as battles go, it’s a real pisser:

I’d read that urine repels woodchucks: coyote, fox, even human (preferably male) urine. Well, since we’ve got a near endless supply of the latter, I figured it was cheaper to load [the Venomous Hubby] with beer and point him toward the front garden than bother with all those “humane traps” or some other animal’s pee.

It worked, too. Or, at least it did until one Saturday when he and a buddy were throwing back a few beers on our deck and got it into their minds that two o’clock in the afternoon was a good time to pull “woodchuck duty”. Thus ensued a bit of a row when I realized two grown, mostly inebriated men were urinating in my garden in plain sight of the neighbors. I handed them cans and encouraged them to be more discreet. They tried to comply. Really, they did. But apparently peeing into a large can and then carrying it without spilling is too big of a task for two drunken men. So, rather than shock all the neighbors, I abandoned that plan.

But resistance proved to be futile:

[Y]esterday morning I saw not one, not two or even three but four — four — baby woodchucks sitting on my front step. Unfortunately, the Big-Eyed Boy saw them, too, and decided they’re adorable. So now, despite my repeated admonitions, he keeps sneaking outside to leave fruit and vegetables for them.

You have to admire her restraint, though: at no point did she suggest actually chucking some wood (quantity unspecified) at the varmints.

Dr. I. S. Wichman, of the faculty of Michigan State University, dispatches an email to some of the Perpetually Aggrieved:

Dear Muslim Association,

As a professor of Mechanical Engineering here at MSU I intend to protest your protest. I am offended not by cartoons, but by more mundane things like beheadings of civilians, cowardly attacks on public buildings, suicide murders, murders of Catholic priests (the latest in Turkey), burnings of Christian churches, the continued persecution of Coptic Christians in Egypt, the imposition of Sharia law on non-Muslims, the rapes of Scandinavian girls and women (called ‘whores’ in your culture), the murder of film directors in Holland, and the rioting and looting in Paris, France. This is what offends me, a soft-spoken person and academic, and many, many of my colleagues. I counsel you dissatisfied, aggressive, brutal, and uncivilized slave-trading Muslims to be very aware of this as you proceed with your infantile ‘protests.’ If you do not like the values of the West — see the 1st Amendment — you are free to leave. I hope for God’s sake that most of you choose that option. Please return to your ancestral homelands and build them up yourselves instead of troubling Americans.

Cordially,
I. S. Wichman
Professor of Mechanical Engineering

I’d hate to run into Professor Wichman on a day he wasn’t feeling cordial.

The usual suspects, of course, complained, but then that’s what they do.

(Via Kathy Shaidle.)

Injured Thai elephant given prosthetic leg. While this is a good thing for pachyderms, for most mammals this would be considered a faux paw.

(Linked to this.)

Fortunately, the price tag makes it easier to resist. But geez, get a load of this:

[T]he $47,000 Red Diamond bathtub from Water Games Technologies is probably a new low high in powder-room decadence. The screaming-red tub features multicolor lighting, a computer-controlled heating system that maintains your desired water temperature, an automatic disinfection system and built-in massager. Of course, that’s what any peasant’s tub offers — the real action is in the two retractable HDTVs, Swarovski-encrusted champagne holder, and built-in GSM module that lets you call your bathtub and get things ready for some splashy time from afar.

You guys with CDMA phones are just out of luck.

(Via Popgadget.)

So my next day at work is, um, the 30th.

Obviously this gives me a lot of time to Do Stuff. On the other hand, having just discovered that Gwendolyn doesn’t even flinch at $50-plus fillups, I’m in no mood to take off for Saskatchewan: not only is it a heck of a long way away, but it’s a whole other country, fercrissake.

And, having said that out loud, I thought of a place that merely is like a whole other country — even says so in the brochures — and it’s just on the far side of the Red River.

I may be biting off more than I can chew here: Ann Richards once said, “I thought I knew Texas pretty well, but I had no notion of its size until I campaigned it.” Typical World Tours run two weeks or so and traverse a quarter to a third of the country; I figure it will take me nine or ten days just to get through Texas, and not anywhere near all of it, either. I am still in the data-gathering stage, so suggestions, here or in email, will be welcomed.

I must point out here that my ongoing sleep issues have not been satisfactorily resolved, so I undertake this mission with more than the usual amount of trepidation. However, it seems to me that if I don’t go, the terrorists will have won I’ll just make matters worse for myself, and Trini seems to think that the limiting factor is my own bedroom: once out of there, the condition might clear up. This is way out of her area of expertise, but I have to admit, I don’t have any kind of counterargument other than “Sez you.”

Last month I reeled in a phish which contained the following “explanation”:

NOTE: If you received this message in you SPAM/BULK folder, that is because of the large amount of e-mails we are sending out or because of the restrictions implemented by your ISP.

Apparently this bit of verbiage has caught on among net.predators. Jeffro picked up one claiming to be from the NCUA:

© Copyright © 2008 National Credit Union Administration (NCUA).
Note:

• If you received this message in your SPAM/BULK folder, that is because of the restrictions implemented by your ISP

• For security reasons, we will record your ip address, the date and time.
• Deliberate wrong imputs are criminally pursued and indicted.

Note the Double Secret Copyright symbols. You may have seen “deliberate wrong inputs” — as opposed to “imputs,” to which I am indeed opposed — here.

If nothing else, this proves that the level of honor among thieves is even lower than you thought: they’re stealing from themselves.

“Some man somewhere will take you, baby,” claimed Joe Tex, “skinny legs and all.”

Of course, that was in 1967, and we’d already seen Twiggy. Before that, well, there was this:

Leg falsies for gals with unshapely gams are now being made by Mrs. Dorothy Funk of Burbank, Calif. (Blushing, girls?) Moulded from customer’s legs they are concealed by special rubber and nylon stockings.

Today, you’re more likely to see the shin feigned.

(Via Jezebel.)

Update, 11 June: Did someone mention torture?

The 1.5-quart tub of Breyer’s ice cream — previously 1.75 quarts, and before that an actual half-gallon — has finally shown up in my local store. Actually, I didn’t mind the 1.75 so much, since it fit perfectly in my freezer door. But I’m pleased to note that my grocer of choice turned these things loose with an initial price tag of a mere $2.98. How long this will last, I don’t know. Of course, if I wanted the Really Good Stuff and didn’t want to make a separate run to Braum’s, I’d have to shell out nearly $6 for Blue Bell, which won’t fit in the door, but which is still a half-gallon.

Oklahoma’s ghost employees still set the standard, but these guys come close:

According to an official study, Egypt’s six million government employees are estimated to spend an average of only 27 minutes per day actually working, reflecting a real problem with productivity.

Then again, there may be problems with the methodology of that study:

But … that was an official study. Was it performed by government workers? How much can we trust numbers coming from someone who works 27 minutes a day?

Disclosure: I spent 9 minutes on this post.

The question is posed: “Is it time to return to the double-nickel?”

The answer: No. In fact, hell, no.

You can always buy more fuel; you can never buy more time. Simple as that.