15 September 2006
Smoke 'em if you got 'em
Cigarettes, according to China's tobacco authorities, are an excellent way to prevent ulcers. They also reduce the risk of Parkinson's disease, relieve schizophrenia, boost your brain cells, speed up your thinking, improve your reactions and increase your working efficiency.
Pay no attention to those lung cancer warnings they’re nonsense. You’re more likely to get cancer from cooking smoke! Those are the words of wisdom from China's state-owned tobacco monopoly, the world’s most successful cigarette-marketing agency. With annual sales of 1.8 trillion cigarettes, the Chinese are responsible for nearly 1/3 of all cigarettes smoked on the whole planet.
The official website of the tobacco monopoly claims cigarettes are a kind of miracle drug: solving your health problems, helping your lifestyle, strengthening the equality of women, and even eliminating loneliness and depression. "Smoking removes your troubles and worries," says a 37-year-old female magazine editor, quoted approvingly on the website. "Holding a cigarette is like having a walking stick in your hand, giving you support." "Quitting smoking would bring you misery, shortening your life."
And to think we complained because our ads said they tasted good, like they should.Posted at 6:14 AM to Dyssynergy